


Terminus

by ancient_moonshine



Series: Incendiary [5]
Category: Star Trek, 琅琊榜 | Nirvana in Fire (TV)
Genre: A whole lot of angst with a surprisingly happy ending, Colonialism, Generational Trauma, Genocide, Guilt, Hua AU, Hua!Consort Jing, Hua!Jingyan, Hurt/Comfort, Imperialism, M/M, Medical Trauma, PTSD, Violence, racial issues, vengeance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:55:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25593892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ancient_moonshine/pseuds/ancient_moonshine
Summary: Star Trek AU: Marshall Lin Shu of the Chiyan army learns the meaning of retribution, while Prince Jingyan of Hua fights to break the cycle of vengeance.
Relationships: Lin Shu | Mei Changsu | Su Zhe/Xiao Jingyan
Series: Incendiary [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1233710
Comments: 17
Kudos: 51





	Terminus

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ineedarendezvous](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=ineedarendezvous).



I.

“Captain, there’s a distress signal from a ship near the Mei Ling system.” Is the first thing First Officer Lie Zhanying says, after having called Jingyan back to the bridge. Jingyan hurries to the console, frowning.

“Mei Ling?” He echoes. “That’s Liang territory.” His mind races through the information he knows about Mei Ling: the planet itself is mostly barren, having been locked in an Ice Age for the past thousand years. Its only value was the strategic importance it held between the Liang Empire and its traditional rival, Da Yu, and as such it had exchanged hands every few centuries depending on who had the upper hand. The outpost was currently being held by the Chiyan Army under General Lin Xie, the infamous occupying force of Liang’s military.

“Does it say whether the signal’s coming from a Liang ship, or from Da Yu?” Communications Officer Gong Yu responds.

“It’s coming from a Liang battle cruiser, Captain. And judging from the abrupt manner it cut off- I’m guessing the ship that sent it has already gone down.” She points at the message that had appeared on her console. _May day,_ it read. _Chibiao at Mei Ling system, quadrant IV, coordinates at 13.56.78. Shields are down, engines next. 5_ _0% of crew dead, including our Captain –_ the message ends abruptly, and Jingyan’s gut clenches.

_Xiao Shu._

“Captain, I suggest we ignore it.” Qi Meng pipes up from his seat at the helm. ”We don’t want to meddle in whatever beef Liang has with Da Yu. Anyway, if the Chiyan Army’s in trouble, better for us. Let’s just hope General Lin Xie got himself killed.” There are grunts and murmurs of assent. Gong Yu frowns slightly, but the noise is quelled by the look Jingyan sends his crew.

“Da Yu is our ally.” He reminds them firmly. A designation that was frankly tenuous at best, considering Da Yu was as hungry for territory as Liang. It had taken Jingyan and the Queen weeks to wrangle a treaty between New Hua and Da Yu that wasn’t so egregiously lopsided in favour of Da Yu’s gain, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. “If they had a battle with Liang, then we’re duty-bound to offer whatever aid we can give them, especially if Liang forces were victorious.” Zhanying’s expression remains stoic as it always is, but Jingyan identifies the flash of exasperation he carefully hides.

“I agree.” Gong Yu smoothly interjects. “If there’s anything going on with the Liang-Da Yu border we should know about, at least we’ll know ahead of time, and not through Liang or Da Yu’s propaganda.” Her father, Jingyan remembers, is from Liang. Same as him. From the captain’s seat, Jingyan glances at his other crewmembers.

“Does anyone have any protests?” He asks. Qi Meng scowls, but doesn’t voice any. Neither do the rest of the crew.

“Helmsman, how far to Mei Ling?” Qi Meng squints at his console.

“Two hours at warp speed, Captain.” Jingyan uncurls his fingers from where he’d unknowingly clenched them into fists.

“Understood.” He leans back against his chair. “First Officer Lie will take over as Captain upon arrival to our destination. Officer Gong Yu and Yeoman Meng Zhi will accompany me on the ground.”

Mei Ling is ringed with debris, the corpses of ships destroyed in what appears to be a major space-battle. The _Pearl_ swerves to avoid it, and Jingyan spots the insignia of Chiyan emblazoned along shattered hulls, mingling with the royal crest of Da Yu.

The transporter chief looks dubious as Jingyan orders him to beam them down, but he obeys without comment or complaint. Meng Zhi looks like he’s about to burst with all his questions, and Jingyan carefully doesn’t look at him. The knot of anxiety in his chest pulses hotter as they’re beamed down onto the planet’s surface.

Though they’d landed on the planet’s temperate zone, there is no vegetation except for the strange, twisted trees covered in ghost-pale flowers. Jingyan shivers as the below-freezing winds all but slice into his skin, snow swirling around them.

All around is nothing but white, and Jingyan’s unease only heightens at the stark emptiness of their surroundings, especially as they get down from the ridge they landed on. More snow covers the ground, massive drifts of white surrounding them. All around them is the faded, but still acrid stench of smoke and petrol. Jingyan keeps his hand on his phaser, motions to the others. And then they see it. A body sprawled on the frozen ground, its lips blue and limbs stiff, already dusted with white. Jingyan rolls it so it’s lying on its back, searching for its dogtags. But the soldier wears no dogtags. Instead, Jingyan finds a metal armband encircling its wrist.

His fingers shake as he takes it.

 _No. No._ There is a name engraved on the armband, one Jingyan does not recognize. What he does recognize, is the crest in the shape of a flame, stamped onto the metal. When he looks up, to his horror what his eyesight had initially mistaken for snowdrifts are corpses, frozen together and piled one on top of the other. 

“Bridge to Captain. Our radars detected life sixty meters away.” Jingyan’s shaken out of his stupor by Zhanying’s message. It takes a while for him to understand, and then he’s running. Meng Zhi shouting out after him, and then he sees it, the small tent with the stuttering fire outside of it, hunched figures tending to it. They hold up their weapons when they see Jingyan. Jingyan raises his hands.

“We mean no harm.” He says. The soldiers – boys barely out of their teens, he realizes – glare at him distrustfully. And then a moan of pain rips through the frozen air. Jingyan takes a step forwards. There’s something horribly familiar about that scream. One boy – the older of the two: holds his phaser up against Jingyan, teeth bared into a snarl.

“Don’t you dare.” The boy says. His voice sounds raw. His cheeks are wind-burned and he looks like he’s been crying. Metal gleams on his wrist, and on his uniform is the Chiyan crest.

“I am Captain Hua Jingyan of the _U.S.S._ _Pearl_.” Jingyan says slowly. “My crew picked up the Chiyan Army’s distress signal. We’re here to help.” Gong Yu inhales sharply and gives him a look, but a warning glance from him has her refraining from further reacting. Or protesting.

“Hua Jingyan…?” The boy says uncertainly. “Of Starfleet?” Jingyan hides his surprise at the soldier knowing his identity, showing him his Captain’s badge and hoping the boy doesn’t take it as an excuse to shoot him.

“Let him in.” A familiar voice says, usually sing-song and carefree, now bitten-off and brisk. Jingyan freezes as the tent flap opens. 

“Lin Chen?” His former medical officer gestures towards him. His face is taut, grim, his cheeks and the tips of his ears flushed green from the cold. His gloved hands are fiddling with the buttons of a tricorder, and he’s frowning at the screen. Another moan cuts through the air, and he darts inside, Jingyan following.

What he sees inside the tent stops his heart. A body, badly burned, lying prone on a makeshift cot. Lin Chen tosses the tricorder aside, bends over his patient and peels off his glove, gently placing his fingers on the stranger’s bloody forehead. Though his expression doesn’t change, Jingyan sees him go pale. The injured man moans, and Lin Chen rips his hand away, gasping for a few moments before pulling his glove back on.

“Cut your arm. I need human blood.” Lin Chen says tersely. “Don’t take the beetles out: they’re what’s keeping him alive.” Meng Zhi shines a light onto the patient, and only then does Jingyan recognize the bloodied wreck of a figure.

“ _Xiao Shu,_ ” Jingyan breathes in horror. Xiao Shu opens his eyes and starts to scream.

Breathing in the air of the Starfleet Academy very much feels like breathing in the scent of freedom, though the lack of air pollution likely has something to do with it. Lin Shu grins, on the verge of laughing with how giddy he feels, inhaling deeply and spreading his arms out, just barely stopping himself from breaking into a mad run on his way to his first class. His childhood friend, Lin Chen, looks very amused as he walks a little ways behind him. 

“Watch where you’re going before you whack some poor cadet on the head. Normally I wouldn’t mind the entertainment, but I don’t want you to be my first patient in Starfleet just because someone thought you were too obnoxious to go unpunched during your first day.” Lin Shu grins, turning to face Lin Chen – careful not to accidentally hit him - and walking backwards.

“Oh come, _on,_ Lin Chen.” Lin Shu waves his hands, narrowly missing a passing cadet, who glares at him, annoyed. Lin Chen rolls his eyes, his point proven. “ _Dr. Lin_ , rather- Humor me. This is the first time in my life I’ve been away from Liang. I want to revel; let me revel. And don’t you pretend to be the prim and proper Vulcan to me, you know you’ll be the first to egg me on in whatever stupid shit you’ve got planned for us. ”

“ _Half_ -Vulcan.” Lin Chen reminds him cheerfully. He’d been raised in the Earth colony of Langya by his human father after one too many fights with his Vulcan schoolmates, and delighted in causing the consternation of those around him by acting contrary to the expectations of all. “And no need to worry about my fearing for my reputation, dearest Xiao Shu –I ‘ve wrecked it quite thoroughly on my own.” Lin Shu laughs.

“Come on, you’re _totally_ planning to wreck it further-“ Lin Chen interrupts him.

“As a visiting student,” Lin Chen reminds him loftily. “Carousing must be kept to a minimum. At least.” He winks. “To the knowledge of your superiors.” Lin Shu rolls his eyes again. They’re still ragging on each other by the time they get to their classroom.

They’re the first ones inside, but the classroom slowly fills up with students as class time draws nearer. The back seats fill up first, then the ones in the middle, leaving the ones in front empty. Lin Chen and Lin Shu pick a seat near the back of the classroom, near the door, so they can observe everything and everyone in the classroom and out in the corridors. There’s a low, palpable hum of excitement in the air. Lin Shu’s never heard this many voices speaking in different languages, seen this many people of different races, all sitting together in one room.

“Wonder if we’ll meet anyone interesting today.” Lin Chen muses. Though his eyes follow their classmates with interest, he seems impatient, already slightly bored. Then again, Lin Shu figures, interplanetary travel is nothing new for Lin Chen. “The son or daughter of some famous celebrity, or something.” Lin Shu’s grin falters.

“Just so long as no one asks me which ‘Lin’ I’m related to…” He mutters. There is mute sympathy in Lin Chen’s expression, but before Lin Shu can roll his eyes at him and say something to get that look off his face, a tap on his shoulder has him looking up.

“Excuse me.” Lin Shu’s mouth grows dry as he looks up to the face of the most beautiful man he’s ever seen. “Is this Room VII-A3?”

It takes a while for Lin Shu to put his scrambled brain back together. “Hi. Uh. Yes. Yes it is.” The stranger has the darkest eyes that Lin Shu has ever seen, beneath striking eyebrows. _Cheekbones._ Lin Shu’s brain supplies helpfully. _And that is a truly glorious profile._

The beautiful stranger looks almost relieved. “I told you we were in the right building.” He chides the young man beside him. His friend looks sheepish.

“My apologies.” _Not a couple,_ Lin Shu decides _._ There was something almost formal about the other guy’s answer, and the distance he kept behind his companion. _Friends, but somehow not that close? There’s something like rank separating them. A retainer._ There’s a small enamel pin on the stranger’s collar, along with that of his companion, and though it looks familiar, Lin Shu can’t quite place his finger on where he had seen it before.

“Apology accepted. Thank you for your help.” The beautiful stranger says, turning to Lin Shu. There’s something about the way the stranger stands – a regalness in his bearing that reminds Lin Shu of Jingyu-ge. _This guy is quite used to leading and being followed…_

“Need a seat?” Somehow Lin Shu manages to say out loud without his hormones making him trip over his syllables. He begins looking about, but to his chagrin all the seats around them are occupied. There are two empty seats beside the girl sitting directly behind Lin Shu, but she quickly places a jacket and a pencil case on them the moment Lin Shu turns to them, glaring in warning. Lin Shu refrains from glaring back. Beside him, Lin Chen snorts. The stranger smiles. Naturally, it’s a stunning smile.

“Looks like only the front-row seats are the only ones left unoccupied.” The stranger says, and is that a touch of regret in his tone? There’s the sparkle of interest in his gaze, and Lin Shu finds himself grinning back, his stomach doing a funny flip. Lin Chen’s eyes are bright with interest as they flick from the stranger, to Lin Shu, and back. Lin Shu ignores him.

“What’s your name? Maybe we can be seatmates in our next class?” The stranger’s face brightens, but before he can answer, the girl behind Lin Shu suddenly speaks. 

“You’re Marshall Lin Shu of the Liang Empire.” Her voice is dripping with loathing. “I’ve seen you in the propaganda vids Liang puts out.” Lin Shu flinches. The girl continues, scorn in every syllable.

“What’re you _doing_ here? Aren’t you the son of the guy who blew up a whole planet-“ Lin Shu grits his teeth.

“Hey-“ Before he can turn to her to – says something, anything, the stranger speaks.

“Marshall Lin Shu of the Chiyan Army?” Lin Shu blinks, because to say the stranger’s tone has turned frosty is an understatement. From friendly interest his expression has turned outright hostile, enough to send the hairs on the back of Lin Shu’s neck rising, and not in the good way. The precise reactions to his last name that he’d been dreading.

Before Lin Shu can speak- or apologize, or do anything to bring back the warm smile he’d seen, they’re interrupted.

“Prince Jingyan.” There’s another cadet behind Jingyan, a female one this time, her lovely face as implacable as the first’s as she glances at Lin Shu. “I’ve found us seats in the front.” Her eyes flash, and Lin Shu knows he’s been recognized. 

_Prince Jingyan?_ Lin Shu blinks, and then he remembers. A red crest in the shape of an orchid, the banner it had been embroidered on blood-spattered and ragged. His father holding it up for a roaring crowd to see before casting it on a fire. 

The Hua royal family’s crest.

Prince Jingyan turns away from Lin Shu without another word, speaking to his companion in a language Lin Shu can’t quite understand as they head to the front of the classroom, around six rows away from Lin Shu. Normally Lin Shu would try to eavesdrop, with the excuse that he was training his ear to pick up on languages. He doesn’t have the heart to do it right now.

Lin Chen leans forward in his seat.

“Prince Jingyan’s the only son of Queen Jingyi, the current ruler of the Hua Remnant.” Lin Chen silkily whispers. “I suppose that that puts paid to your plans on asking Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome out on a date.” Lin Shu twitches, but before he can give Lin Chen a sound piece of his mind, the arrival of the instructor has them all standing to greet him.

In his hand is a PADD with a list for attendance. Lin Shu settles back in his seat as the instructor begins roll call, but cannot stop staring at the back of Jingyan’s head. All the brightness of the golden morning was gone, and as Lin Shu forces himself to concentrate, he can feel the reach of Liang’s shadow reaching even here, where he thought he would be free of it for just a small while.

\---  
II.

Xiao Shu’s heart stops beating twice.

They operate on him for hours in the medbay. In addition to several shattered bones from what looked like a terrible fall broken by a snowdrift, there is a phaser blast that went clean through his shoulder, along with third-degree burns covering his limbs that have begun to fester. By the time Lin Chen and the _Pearl’_ s medical officer are done, the faint rise and fall of Xiao Shu’s chest is the only indication he’s still alive. Jingyan is pale and woozy from the blood Lin Chen had collected from him – human blood apparently working as a partial antidote to keep the damage to Xiao Shu’s system from getting worse. The only reason Jingyan wasn’t able to give more, especially for the transfusions Xiao Shu badly needed, was because of Lin Chen’s tired glare.

“I’m not straining diplomatic relations between New Hua, Langya, _and_ Vulcan by killing Queen Jingyi’s only son.” He says shortly, stripping off his bloody surgical gloves and tossing them into the trash bin. Fortunately Meng Zhi offers his up – and Lin Chen accepts -before Jingyan can argue.

Now Xiao Shu is being closely monitored by the three of them. Lin Chen is exhausted, but refuses to leave the medbay for his quarters. Soon enough Jingyan sees why. Xiao Shu starts thrashing and seizing, and can only be pacified by Jingyan holding him down while Lin Chen yanks on a fresh pair of gloves and inserts several needles on the skin of Xiao Shu’s chest.

“Old-fashioned, positively ancient, but effective.” Lin Chen says. “I don’t dare use any sedatives with the snow beetle poison in his bloodstream, and if I use the nerve pinch he might not wake up.” He sits with his elbows propped up on his desk. A cup of strong black coffee is in front of him, and he swirls it before taking a sip. The tips of his fingers are trembling, which Jingyan has never seen happen before. Jingyan pushes down the nausea at the pain Xiao Shu must be in, the echo of which Lin Chen must have sensed even through the barrier of his gloves. 

“The worst of it is only starting…” Lin Chen says grimly. “Snow beetle saliva is venomous – damages the bone marrow, causes all manner of unpleasant physical symptoms. His tongue will be paralyzed and he’s going to have a debilitating craving for blood. His immune system’s also going to be shot to hell. At best the poison will destroy the melanin in his body and his hair and skin will turn white, though I _have_ also read that in some cases it also makes hair follicles go on overdrive . If that happens, he’ll look like the abominable snowman of Earth legend – perhaps I should take photographs for Langya’s archives.” He looks like he’s seriously pondering the idea, and Meng Zhi glares at him. Lin Chen gives him his usual playful smirk, but there’s no hiding the shadows in his gaze.

Jingyan very gingerly takes Xiao Shu’s hand – the one unbroken from his fall – and holds it lightly in his. He’s so still that it unnerves Jingyan. Jingyan, who has never seen Xiao Shu in anything but frenetic, almost chaotic motion, with a wide smile on his face and his eyes sparkling in mirth.

“Lin Chen, _what happened?_ ” Meng Zhi’s face is ashen. He’s clearly agitated, but the blood transfusion has made him too woozy to move around much. Now he’s staring at Xiao Shu like he’s terrified Xiao Shu will disappear if he so much as blinks. Lin Chen takes out a small metal flask, pours out a measure of what appears to be strong brandy into his coffee and sips at it with an appreciative sigh. The tips of his ears are flushed green from frostbite, and he rubs at them, wincing. He offers the flask to Meng Zhi, who gives it an investigative sniff. 

“Once again, I am most indebted to my father for the ability to digest alcohol.” Lin Chen mutters. Meng Zhi then pours the liquor into his mouth, wiping it with the back of one hand, and offering the flask to Jingyan, but Jingyan shakes his head. Meng Zhi hands it back to Lin Chen, who turns back towards Jingyan with a sigh.

“To answer your question, I know as much as the two of you do. General Lin Xie sent a transmission to me and my father requesting our urgent assistance, without letting anyone else know. The old man can’t handle space travel anymore, so the job fell to me. I arrived only a few minutes before you, and the first thing I saw were those three trying to keep Xiao Shu warm and breathing.” He sips at his coffee.

“I take it you received a distress signal of some sort? I can’t imagine why a Hua ship would stop at a Chiyan military outpost otherwise. “

“I heard there were border tensions between Liang and Da Yu. We’ve just signed a treaty with Da Yu, and went to check if our help was needed.” Jingyan says. Lin Chen’s face breaks out in a sly smile. Though Jingyan has known him for nine years and understands the sentiments behind his actions, it’s still slightly disconcerting to see so much emotion on a Vulcan’s features.

“Hmm, you _say_ it was for the sake of New Hua’s treaty with Da Yu, but of course since you knew your ex was stationed there, you insisted on checking on him. Truly the epitome of a star-crossed love.” He snickers at Jingyan’s angry glare, but sobers up. “Best to scrub this incident from your ship’s logs, though. At least until we know what’s going on.” He says. “Something tells me it wasn’t a battle with Da Yu that killed all those men.” He drains the rest of his coffee.

“No, it wasn’t.” Jingyan says. He remembers the piles of corpses, the butchered men bearing the crest of Chiyan.

 _My loyalty belongs with Liang._ Xiao Shu had told him. _And my father’s army. Jingyan, I’m sorry._ Jingyan closes his eyes. That pain of that memory should be long past, but still flares as hot as it was at that moment.

“Why didn’t Liang send reinforcements?” Meng Zhi demands. “If they’d been ambushed, surely the Emperor could have sent someone to help them out before they got overwhelmed!” Jingyan had been wondering the same thing. The Liang Empire’s military was the best-equipped and most-feared military force in the Nine Galaxies, and General Lin Xie’s army its largest and most powerful division. In a battle against their old rival for power, even if the tide of battle had turned against Chiyan, they wouldn’t have been left to die in the way Jingyan suspects they were. Unless…

“Liang should have…” Jingyan says slowly. “Unless things had gone wrong between Lin Xie and the Emperor himself.”

_“It needed to be done.” Fourth Sister’s eyes gleam in defiance, and what Jingyan recognizes as desperation. “Princess Xuanji’s orders. Please, Prince Jing, you must help me-“_

Meng Zhi makes a noise of horrified disbelief. Xiao Shu twitched, and they hold their breath, but he falls still. Lin Chen’s expression is considering.

“It is not.” He says. “An unheard-of situation. In fact, it’s the likeliest situation there is.” The silence is very loud.

“You’ll need a safe place to treat him.” Jingyan finally says. “Langya is too far to bring him in his current condition.” Lin Chen raises his eyebrows.

“You cannot possibly be suggesting what I think you are. It is.” He places his hand on his chin. “Most illogical.” His eyes are dancing. Meng Zhi is practically misty-eyed. Jingyan lets out a breath of frustration.

“On the contrary, it’ll be the last place Liang will look for him, in case there are scouts hunting down survivors.” Jingyan points out. “ _Will the two of you stop looking at me like that.”_ Lin Chen does not drop his grin.

“I’ll speak to my men regarding our finding him, and scrub our detour to Mei Ling IV from the ship’s logs. Gong Yu and Lie Zhanying were my fellow cadets in Starfleet Academy. I’ve already gotten Gong Yu to erase all trace of the distress signal the Chiyan soldiers sent, and Qi Meng to wipe it from our charts.” Which both had done successfully, but not without some measure of wariness and distrust on Qi Meng’s end. Which Jingyan couldn’t blame him for. His parents had both been Hua soldiers, killed in action before Hua was completely destroyed. Lin Chen leans back against his seat.

“I concur that that’s the best course of action to take. But,” His eyes sharpen. “Will the Queen agree? We’re talking about harbouring the son of the man – and the leader of the army - who wiped Hua off the map.” He cocks his head. “That’s the latest mission Starfleet assigned you, wasn’t it? Settling New Hua with the Remnants? And you, Meng Zhi? How are you going to keep this a secret from your wife?”

“I’ll talk to the Queen.” Jingyan promises. “I know her. She won’t turn away even General Lin Xie if he was the one desperately injured before her.” Xiao Shu’s fingers twitch in Jingyan’s hand. They ease when Jingyan strokes a careful line down his thumb.

“I won’t tell my wife.” Meng Zhi scratches the back of his neck. He looks very unhappy, but his face is set. “But if she finds out and I explain, I know she won’t tell a soul. Especially if you help me, Prince Jingyan.” Meng Zhi’s wife is also a Hua officer in Starfleet, a year beneath them in the Academy. 

“If the universe were full of such people, we would all be better off.” Lin Chen sighs. “Well. As soon as we drop him off at New Hua, I’ll be off to take care of a few things at Langya. I’ll be back as soon as I can. You’re going to need all the help you can get for his treatment.”

“Go rest, Lin Chen.” Jingyan says. “I’ll look after him.” Lin Chen cracks a smile at him, and is out like a light within seconds, his head buried in his arms. Meng Zhi lays a heavy hand on Jingyan’s arm, then returns to the bridge. In bed, Xiao Shu stirs but does not waken. His grip tightens on Jingyan’s hand, and Jingyan gives his a reassuring squeeze. Hoping against hope that in the shadowed landscapes of his dreams he could feel it. He takes out his communicator in one hand and speaks to Zhanying.

“Captain to Bridge.” He says. “Set course for New Hua. We’re going home.”

\---

Lin Shu. Observes.

Prince Jingyan is nothing short of exemplary. He excels in all the subjects the cadets are required to take, but most especially military strategy, diplomacy, and martial arts. During their first hand to hand combat training session, Lin Shu had been frankly unnerved by the clean, efficient brutality that Prince Jingyan displayed with his fighting style. It was the technical precision of a warrior trained by military experts, combined with real-world experience in defending oneself that the other cadets mostly lacked. Lin Shu, who had snuck into a battlefield at the age of thirteen, was left fighting almost as hard as he had to survive back then.

Jingyan wins. Lin Shu ends up flat on his back, gasping and completely winded while Jingyan has a training stave pressed against his throat and his knee on his chest. Their classmates are gaping, and Lin Shu can see the security personnel shifting uneasily – well aware of who he and Prince Jing are.

Jingyan’s eyes are inscrutable as he lets Xiao Shu go, allowing Lin Shu to gasp for breath. He holds out his hand. It takes a while for Lin Shu’s brain to recalibrate, for him to grasp it and allow Jingyan to help him up. The assembled students break out into applause, but Jingyan’s expression doesn’t change. His gaze catches Lin Shu’s and holds it for a moment before looking away. 

Later, in the safety and silence of his personal quarters, Lin Shu takes himself in hand and recalls the intensity of Jingyan’s dark eyes.

Lin Shu also doesn’t fail to notice how Jingyan usually keeps to himself. How his closest friend seems to be Lie Zhanying, but he seems more retainer than actual friend. There are other Hua cadets, Lin Shu realizes, all of them wearing the red orchid crest of the Hua. Clearly they treat Jingyan as a leader, and rarely mingle with the other cadets during recreational activities.

Jingyan cuts a striking figure, Lin Shu decides. But a lonely one. Lin Chen is very entertained about the whole thing.

“I really hope you’re aware of how – what do you humans call your behavior? – _Creepy,_ you’re being.” Lin Chen says, twirling a spoon between his fingers. Lin Shu debates with himself whether it would be best to ignore him and continue shovelling dumplings and rice into his mouth, but Lin Chen’s smirk goads him into speaking. 

“Thank you, Dr. Lin Chen, your input is nowhere near necessary. Or beneficial. Please return to Human Psychology 101 in order to learn how tactlessness is _not_ a prized human trait.” Lin Shu grumbles. Lin Chen outright cackles, and Meng Zhi – a friend they’d made who was from Earth- very kindly does not join in.

“He’s telling the truth, though.” Meng Zhi points out reasonably. Lin Shu glares at him, pained.

“Da Ge, you’re supposed to be on my side!”

“You memorized his class schedule and break times. And the times he’s in the cafeteria, and the library.”

“He doesn’t take _breaks._ The guy practically does nothing but study when he’s free.” Lin Shu mutters. “. And he mostly studies in the dorm or the library– he never goes anywhere else, and I guess it’d be pointless for him to go to a coffee shop because he never orders coffee or tea, just hot water.” There is a pregnant, pointed pause. Then Lin Shu’s shoulders slump.

“All right, maybe I have been a bit too assiduous in gathering information-“ Meng Zhi snorts. Loudly.

“-But it’s for a very valid reason! What if we get assigned to the same ship or something, I might as well know how to get into his good graces off the bat! The guy’s practically hard-wired to hate me from birth!” 

“Into his good graces or his pants?” Meng Zhi asks wryly.

“Both, knowing Xiao Shu.” Lin Chen says cheerfully. Xiao Shu groans. Meng Zhi pats his back in sympathy. Lin Shu does not derive any comfort from the gesture. Lin Chen ensures that Meng Zhi has just taken a bite out of his sandwich before saying:

“Isn’t he biologically your cousin, though? Queen Jingyi was the Emperor’s wife before the war with Hua started.“ Meng Zhi chokes. Lin Shu has to pound his back to keep him breathing, glaring at Lin Chen who grins back sunnily.

“You’re crushing on your _cousin-_ “ Meng Zhi gasps, eyes watering.

“We didn’t grow up together! Westermarck effect never had a chance to set in!” Lin Shu says defensively. “And first cousin marriage is legal in this jurisdiction!”

“I’m more concerned with the fact that Meng Da Ge didn’t know Jingyan was the Liang Emperor’s seventh son.” Lin Chen grins, jabs his spoon towards Lin Shu. “I wouldn’t worry about Xiao Shu’s incestuous feelings, though. It’s not like they can have kids, anyway. And I _definitely_ wouldn’t worry about marriage just yet. I heard he joined Starfleet to help find his people a new planet to settle. _And_ he’s turned down every person who asked him out on a date-“ Lin Shu flings his hands up in the air.

“ _How do you know all this?_ And why are you allowed to use his given name? _”_ No, the twisted-up knot in his stomach is definitely not jealousy. Lin Chen snickers.

“I’m the heir to the Langya Information Databases. I have my means, ethical and not.” Lin Chen says cheerfully. “Also, I’ve actually spoken to him, you ninny. He’s really quite sweet and humble, and was _very_ interested in human-Vulcan interspecies relations-“

“You’re not even into guys-“ Lin Shu grumbles.

“- And very, _very_ interested in _you,”_ Lin Shu’s mind screeches to a halt.

“He asked about me?” He asks, feeling stupidly hopeful. Meng Zhi sighs.

“Well his line of questioning was definitely geared towards you in relation to the Chiyan army.” Lin Shu deflates a little. Lin Chen continues blithely. “No worries, I didn’t commit a security breach of any sort, I just told him that you were a run-of-the-mill hothead prodigy who could do with finding out more about how terrible Liang is, now that you’re out of there, and who better than the boy whose family survived a genocide caused by said empire?”

“You said _what-“_ Meng Zhi asks, exasperated. At the same time, Lin Shu all but snaps “ _Lin Chen-“_

“Xiao Shu’s obsessed with Jingyan. Jingyan is also curious about Xiao Shu. I’m giving them an opening they otherwise wouldn’t think to take.” Lin Chen shrugs. “It’s completely in Jingyan’s hands at this point. And Xiao Shu’s, provided he doesn’t fuck up and disgrace himself and his uncle’s empire more than Emperor Xiao Xuan already has by himself.”

Lin Chen’s deliberate choice of words would have gotten him killed if he were in Liang. His expression when he looks at Lin Shu is pointed. Considering Lin Chen was the boy who at the age of seventeen had dragged thirteen-year old Lin Shu by the collar to Langya’s extensive databases and showed him all the terrible things Liang had been doing – until Lin Shu’s eyes were burning with unshed tears, horror uncoiling in his gut as Lin Chen laid bare the rotten beating core of the place he called _home_ , Lin Shu has an inkling he isn’t just doing this to entertain himself.

“… Did he mention that he would contact me?” Lin Shu asks. Lin Chen shrugs again.

“Truth be told, he didn’t look like he knew what to do with that information, but I’m sure something will come up.” He frowns, narrowing his eyes at Lin Shu and propping his chin up on his palm.

“What’re you calculating now?” Lin Shu asks wryly.

“Calculating the chances of your obsession with Jingyan being partially motivated by curiosity, partially due to genuine admiration and/or lust, and the rest of it being guilt over what your father did to his planet.” Meng Zhi chokes.

“Do you believe getting into a relationship with him would be a means to make amends to his planet on a macro level? Because I can tell you I don’t need to calculate the probability of disaster for that one-” Lin Shu tosses a chopstick at his head, and doesn’t miss. 

Later, he’s on his way to the dorm when he hears a deep voice speak behind him.

“Marshall Lin Shu?” Lin Shu feels the hairs on the back of his neck prickle, remembers the training stave digging into his throat. He turns. Jingyan is there. The Hua crest is blood-red against his collar.

“Lin Chen says you’re willing to learning the true extent of Liang’s atrocities. And your father’s role in them.” He says. Lin Shu feels his gut twist.

“… Yeah. I am.” He finally says. Jingyan’s eyes narrow.

“Follow me.” He says. Helpless, Lin Shu obeys.

\--

III.

Lin Chen’s warnings about the physical symptoms were not an exaggeration.

When they reach New Hua, Xiao Shu is howling, struggling against the restraints on his bed. He almost succeeds in breaking through ones binding his arms before Meng Zhi’s panicked call has Jingyan tearing into the medbay from the bridge.

“Xiao Shu, _Xiao Shu,_ it’s me.” Jingyan murmurs. He notices that the hair on Xiao Shu’s head has turned ashy grey. It’s going to be all right, it’s just me.” Meng Zhi is restraining him. Xiao Shu’s eyes are reddened and wet as they stare at Jingyan. There is no recognition in them at all, as he bares his teeth and screams.

Lin Chen curses as he bucks him off just before he can insert his needles into his chest.

“Meng Zhi, hold his legs. Jingyan, his arms. _Do not_ let him near your wrist, or fingers, he’s likely to rip off your hand with his teeth by this point.” Lin Chen snarls. “ _Hurry –_ Hold him _still-“_ Jingyan is careful to avoid the cast on Xiao Shu’s left arm as he holds him down by the shoulders. He winces as Xiao Shu’s nails scrabble against his skin.

“Xiao Shu,” Jingyan calls out desperately, as Xiao Shu’s struggles begin anew. To Jingyan’s profound relief, he can feel the _Pearl_ docking.

“You’re safe- Xiao Shu, please calm down,” Jingyan’s voice breaks when he sees the wetness in Xiao Shu’s eyes have spilled down his cheeks. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.” It takes all of his and Meng Zhi’s strength to keep Xiao Shu pinned down, to keep him immobilized long enough that Lin Chen can insert his needles and send him limply back into oblivion.

The Queen of Hua, Jingyi, enters the medbay just as they’ve started to loosen Xiao Shu’s restraints, her favourite maid, Xiao Li, following close behind. Jingyan can smell the bitter tang of medicinal herbs on her hair and clothes, and realizes she must have been in the dispensary.

“Queen Jingyi.” Lin Chen straightens his back, holding his hand up in the Vulcan salute. “Live long and prosper.” His face is covered in sweat, green from exertion.

“Young Master Lin Chen of Langya. Peace and long life.” Queen Jing Yi raises her hand and offers him the same greeting, a sovereign to a visiting dignitary. She turns to her son.

“I’ve received your transmission.” She tells Jingyan quietly. “I’ve told no one who he is. No one else must know, either.” _Least of all Xuanji, g_ oes unspoken. With deft doctor’s hands she lifts Xiao Shu’s arm up, presses down onto his pulse. Though her face remains calm, there’s clear grief on her features that sends Jingyan’s heart plummeting to his stomach.

“I have treated this once before, when I was a doctor at Starfleet.” Queen Jingyi says. “Do you have samples of the venom?” Lin Chen nods, holds up a container full of the snow beetles he’d extracted from Xiao Shu’s flesh.

Queen Jing Yi looks at her son. “Follow me. You can’t let him be seen.”

They take him to a makeshift infirmary in the lower levels of the palace – one of the abandoned stone buildings that dotted the landscape that the Hua settlers had deemed fit for the purpose. Qi Meng had parked them in the underground hangar, and it’s a simple enough matter to take Xiao Shu, now unconscious, from the ship to the interiors of the palace.

Lin Chen and the queen work on him, with Meng Zhi guarding the medbay. Jingyan has been ordered out of the operating room and told to rest- which was rich, coming from Lin Chen - They were going to attempt to drain as much of the poison as they could, Lin Chen explains, debride the burns and operate on Xiao Shu to fix the damage to his internal organs that Lin Chen hadn’t had the equipment to handle in the _Pearl’s_ medbay. But Jingyan can’t sleep. And in addition to Xiao Shu’s condition, there was the pressing matter of what to do with his subordinates.

The surviving three Chiyan soldiers had been tight-lipped when they were brought into the palace’s holding cells. When they found out they were being taken to New Hua, they outright refused to speak no matter how much Jingyan and Meng Zhi had tried to press them for answers. Now they’re being kept under Zhanying and Qi Meng’s watch in a holding cell that was essentially a prison. Jingyan looks them over. The two boys were clearly infantrymen fresh out of training, too young and too inexperienced to hide their fear. The third is a middle-aged man who looked to be several years older than Jingyan, features hardened and cold. _A general_ , Jingyan had figured judging by the rank flags on his uniform they’d had the men discard and burn while on the ship - it was too dangerous to allow anyone to see the Chiyan crest.

Qi Meng’s face is bruised, and the Chiyan officer’s knuckles are bloody, and restrained by cuffs.

“I say we should kill them all.” Qi Meng growls. “Chiyan filth.” He spits on the floor of the cell, right at the feet of the man he’d fought. The man tries to struggle up and aim for Jingyan, and Zhanying stops him with a punch to the stomach, sending him sprawling to the floor wheezing.

“That’s enough.” Jingyan says. The man glares at him. _Wei Zheng_ , Jingyan recognizes him. _One of the Chiyan army generals._ Xuanji’s spies has provided them with the list of officers in Liang’s military, and their biodata. 

“Where did you take him?” One of the infantrymen demands. “If you’ve killed him-“

“Xiao Shu is currently undergoing medical treatment. The Queen and I have decided to keep the secret of his identity for his safety. And yours.” Jingyan looks at the soldier. “And as for taking him to New Hua, this was a decision made by Dr. Lin Chen and myself in order to hide his location. Trust Dr. Lin, if not me. He was a crew member of ours back in Starfleet.” Too late he realizes he used Xiao Shu’s nickname, but perhaps it had been the right choice because minutely, he can see the party relaxing. The boy stares at him, and Jingyan leans forwards.

“What I would like to know is what happened on Mei Ling.” He says. “If any one of you can brief us in, it would make a world of difference in how we can move forwards from this point. Who to protect Xiao Shu from.” He takes care to emphasize the last sentence. The boys stare at each other uncertainly, but it’s the general who speaks first.

“Da Yu forces tried to take Mei Ling. We repelled them, but at great cost.” He says levelly. “We had to carpet-bomb pretty much the whole planet to drive them off.” That would explain the torched valleys and charred trees. Jingyan hadn’t seen them, but Zhanying had reported it as one of their findings.

“That doesn’t explain the corpses of your fellow soldiers we found. They didn’t die during the bombings.” Jingyan says. The general tightens his lips. The boys glance at each other.

“It wasn’t Da Yu-“ the younger one begins.

“Zhen Ping, shut up.” The general snaps. The boy quails, but pipes up.

“They need to know. They might send Marshall Lin back to Liang-“

“Liang?” Jingyan echoes. “Liang forces did this?” The general looks like he’s struggling with himself, then caves in.

“Xuanjing Bureau.” The general responds, and Jingyan feels ice shoot down his spine. “The Emperor’s private army. I recognized the armor.” 

_Fourth Sister. “Let me think_ _!” Xiao Shu snaps, twisting at his sleeve. “Let me figure out what to do, or we’ll both be dead if this gets out.”_

And later, when all was said and done: “ _He will use you, Xiao Shu. Jingyan’s lips against Xiao Shu’s temple, even as Xiao Shu refuses to look at him. “He will use you and turn on you, and your Father just like he did on Mother and Princess Linglong, and your whole family will suffer for it. Please, don’t go back –_ “

“What happened to General Lin Xie?” Jingyan finally asks, forcing himself to show no reaction.

“Dead.” The older boy says, his voice dull. “I saw it happen. He dropped Marshal Lin off a cliff, and someone shot him in the back with a phaser.” He fidgets. “I was too far away to see the killer’s face, but…. Zhen Ping and I found Marshall Lin, after.”He falls silent.

“… And Xiao Shu doesn’t know yet.” During the worst of his pain, he’d been calling out for his father and mother.

“No.” The general says. His face is shadowed with grief. Jingyan feels sickened with grief for Xiao Shu, and horror. But he has to pull himself together.

“We won’t tell anyone who you are. You must remain here, at least until we invent a suitable story to hide your identities. We can’t risk anyone else recognizing you among the Hua.” Some of them would be more than willing to tear Lin Xie’s son apart with their own hands. “Or anyone from Liang finding out where Xiao Shu is.”

“Can we trust you to cooperate until we figure out how best to help?”

“Yes.” Wei Zheng after what looks like an internal battle, drops to one knee. “Our gratitude will be with you.”

“Spare it for when he survives.” Jingyan says. He does not say _Do not thank me. What happened to Xiao Shu is my fault._

\----

Now that Lin Shu is with Jingyan, he finds that his powers of charm, and speech, have deserted him. The Hua Prince is grim and serious, and Lin Shu’s fairly certain that if he attempted any of the (extremely well thought-out) scenarios he’d (frequently) played out in his head to break the ice, he’ll be met with at best a cold glare. At worst, outright rejection.

He decides silence is the best way to go about doing this, and get it over with as quickly as possible. But eventually it becomes unbearable, and Lin Shu blurts out the first thing he can think of that Jingyan’s not likely to judge. Hopefully.

“We’re related, you know?” Lin Shu says lamely. Jingyan looks at him. Lin Shu tries not to show how very unsettling he finds those _really dark, really intense, dammit Lin Shu stop mooning over him_ eyes on him.

“Your dad is my uncle.” He continues. “My mother is his full-sister.” Jingyan’s head snaps sharply back to the front.

“Yes. I’m aware.” He says shortly. “You should also be aware that we have renounced any blood ties or hereditary rights to Liang’s Emperor.”

“I am, actually.” Lin Shu says, a little tersely. “Though the Emperor himself hasn’t done the same.”

“Because he still considers the Hua as subjects of Liang.” Jingyan says coldly. He doesn’t look at Lin Shu. “When we have made it clear we have rejected his rule, at the cost of our own planet. We’re here.” 

“Here” turns out to be the Hua Memorial Hall, a structure Lin Shu has actually visited, during his first week on Earth. Jingyan takes off his shoes and Lin Shu follows, the scent of incense making him heady. His chest tightens, but not because of the smoke as he enters the main compound. A list of names greets him, carved onto granite slabs, the slabs numbering at least a hundred, each bearing thousands of names.

“The names of the dead.” Jingyan says. “All eight billion of them. Women, men, children. Some unlucky off-worlders who were only in the wrong place at the wrong time.” There are flowers and fruits, in front of the memorials. Sticks of incense, photos. A bronze statue of a woman and a small boy stands in the middle of the complex, golden tears running down her face. The boy’s face is hidden against the folds of her skirts, like she’s shielding him.

“Queen Linglong and her son.” Jingyan says. His voice is thick with grief. “Jinghuan. My older brother. I still remember them, from my time in Liang.” The Emperor had put them to death shortly before the destruction of Hua. Prince Jingyan, he knows, had barely managed to escape with his mother, Linglong’s second sister, who had been posing as a lower-ranking concubine in Liang’s court.

“The Fifth Prince.” Lin Shu murmurs. Lin Shu draws closer to the statue. He hadn’t dared, before. He’d felt like the woman’s eyes were watching him, cold and accusing. _What are you doing here? You have no right to beg for forgiveness._

“The Emperor had him put to death because he was old enough to remember his mother and his people, and he could not be assured of my brother’s loyalty in the future. Then he gave out the news that Queen Linglong killed him to prevent the Emperor from claiming him.” Jingyan’s gaze has gone distant. “Mother and I escaped. We were able to get to Hua, but we were only there for a few days before the Chiyan army under General Lin Xie’s command destroyed it.”

Lin Shu flinches at the mention of his father’s name, but he forces himself to keep looking at the statue of Queen Linglong. He barely hears the question Jingyan poses to him.

“Has he ever regretted it?” Jingyan asks. “What he put our people through. What he put _my_ mother through. Queen Jingyi spent some time in General Lin’s household. Did he ever once care about how she would feel when he destroyed her planet, her people?”

“No.” Lin Shu says quietly. “No, he never has.” His father’s expression, after Lin Shu had confronted him about the information Lin Chen had given him had been frighteningly blank and still.

 _“It had to be done, Xiao Shu.” He says. ”When you are a general and have an empire, an Emperor, to protect, you will understand.”_ Lin Shu forces himself to look at Prince Jingyan, who is watching him with the same eyes as the dead Queen.

“I’m sorry.” Lin Shu says. Jingyan blinks, and Lin Shu realizes that in all likelihood, those had been the last words Jingyan had expected to come from him. And now that Lin Shu is speaking, he can’t seem to stop.

“I was thirteen when I found out about what happened.” He says. “What truly happened. At the time, I only knew what the Emperor wanted us to know, what my father wanted us to know. That Hua revolted and they were threatening Liang alongside Da Yu, so they had to be defeated.” He drops his gaze, away from Prince Jingyan’s, back to Queen Linglong.

“I guess Lin Chen got sick of my bragging about my father and my uncle. What amazing heroes they were. He was staying with us then, along with his father. His father and mine had been friends for ages, and Lord Lin of Langya is my godfather. He dragged me over to their ship one morning and started playing this documentary about the destruction of Hua, the political reasons behind it. All of the ugly things that the Emperor had papered over with propaganda.” He lets out a shaky breath, remembering himself, thirteen years old and almost in tears, asking Lin Chen what lies was he showing him. The older boy had shaken his head and said _“I’m not lying. I’m showing you the truth. It’s up to you if you can bear it.”_

“Lin Chen and his father left Liang after that.” Lin Shu says. “It took me a while to realize that maybe Lord Lin had only been keeping up his friendship with my father for my sake. After that they would find ways to send me information. Books and videos and footage from the galaxy outside. From Langya, from Vulcan, from the Federation, from Da Yu, Nan Chu. Everywhere. I took a lot of care never to get caught, because I didn’t want to know what the Emperor – and my father - would do to Langya if I was.”

“Was that why you chose to join Starfleet?” Jingyan asks, and was it just Lin Shu’s hopeless mooning, but had his voice softened somewhat? “To get out of Liang, see the galaxy beyond? I admit, when I found out who you were, I wondered what you were doing here instead of training to lead the Chiyan Army.” Lin Shu doesn’t answer that question. To be honest, it’s not a question he’d dared answer truly to himself, until now.

“I’ve been here, actually.” Lin Shu says. “I mean, here. In this Hall.” Jingyan gives him a long look. Lin Shu shrugs, carefully not looking him in the face.

“Like I told Lin Chen, I wanted to know. Lin Chen actually told me about this place. I didn’t stay long, but.” He trails off. He can feel Prince Jing watching him, and his cheeks burn. 

“You haven’t been all the way inside.” Prince Jing says at last. “Visitors generally aren’t allowed. Follow me.” He starts to walk towards a door at the end of the hall, and Lin Shu follows him, curious. Oddly enough, it feels like the memorial stones are watching him, and he shivers in relief when the door closes behind him.

What Jingyan takes him to is an empty room. Lin Shu blinks, baffled, but before he can ask questions, Jingyan claps his hands. Images spring up. Holograms of sunlit forests and oceans. Fields of flowers and mountains. Bustling cities, temples. The sound of people laughing and speaking in a language Lin Shu does not know, and which he knows must be dying out. Women with strange, now-extinct flowers in their hair, singing. Men dancing and children laughing during a festival. Lin Shu stares at it all in wonder, and then Jingyan claps his hands again, and the images fade.

“That was Hua, as she once was.” He says. His expression is solemn, but there is no longer barely banked back heat in his words.

“Lin Chen says you wanted to know. Now, you know.” Lin Shu opens his mouth, but up till now there are only two words he can think to speak.

“I’m sorry.” He says again. Jingyan looks at him for a moment before turning away.

“We should head back. It’s almost curfew.” Lin Shu follows him, and the two of them walk back to the Academy in silence. He feels Queen Linglong’s eyes lingering on him, long after they’ve returned to the dorms and he’s alone.

\-------  
IV.

Eventually, they receive word of what happened. Or at least, the news Liang was willing to share. General Lin Xie had planned a revolt with Crown Prince Qi and was put to death along with his son and all seven million of his men. Prince Qi had also been executed shortly afterwards. Princess Jinyang, Xiao Shu’s mother, had committed suicide rather than be captured and tortured. If any system was found to be harbouring survivors from the Chiyan massacre, it would be declared an act of war.

Lin Chen leaves for Langya. Though his words remain light and flippant as always, caution underlies them when he speaks.

“I know it’s not particularly likely that either you or Queen Jingyi will attempt to assassinate Xiao Shu,” Lin Chen drawls. “A waste of effort, for one, since you went through all the trouble to keep him alive in the first place _and_ endangered your alliance with Da Yu in the process.” Though his words are flippant, Jingyan can see his hands twitching, can sense Lin Chen’s true anger hidden behind his breezy mask.

“I will keep him safe.” Jingyan promises. Lin Chen raises his eyebrows.

“You had better.” Lin Chen says, his voice sharper and colder than Jingyan has ever heard it. “I’ve already regretted convincing Xiao Shu to speak to you after that disaster with the Da Yu assassin. I’m certain I don’t need to conduct a mind-meld to impress upon you the sheer agony Xiao Shu is in, but just in case - you’d better not give Langya another reason to work against New Hua.” He gives Jingyan a barbed smile before turning away to leave.

Xiao Shu flits in and out of consciousness. Jingyan holds his hand, cares for him under his mother’s instructions. Lin Chen had returned to Langya to pick up equipment and gather information about the poison that he and Queen Jingyi had managed to suppress but not cure. So far, it was wreaking havoc on Xiao Shu’s bone marrow. His muscles waste away, bones turning brittle, joints swelling until Xiao Shu can do little else but weep in pain. His temperature fluctuates, randomly spiking up until he’s delirious with fever and plunging down until his skin is practically cold to the touch. His hair turns ashen, so does his skin.

Whenever he can peel himself away from his duties as Prince and protector of his people, Jingyan staunchly watches over Xiao Shu. Meng Zhi stands guard when he cannot. The pale, weak figure shivering on the bed is so different from the vibrant, energetic Xiao Shu they’d met at Starfleet that agony to look at him and see what had been done to him.

Jingyan didn’t think he could hate or its despotic Emperor any more than he already had. He was so wrong. But he can never hate his father as much as he hates himself for letting this happen.

Apart from Jingyan and his crew members, the only other people who Queen Jingyi allowed to see and care for Xiao Shu were her most trusted maids and the other Chiyan survivors. There was the treaty with Da Yu to consider, and if word got around that they were sheltering members of the Chiyan army, they would have both empires to worry about. In addition to this, Princess Xuanji through Qin Banruo has eyes and ears everywhere, and neither she nor the more belligerent Hua would be pleased about them caring for the son of the man who’d destroyed their planet.

Jingyan and his mother continue with their duties at court as usual, making no mention of the detour to Mei Ling or the fugitives. As soon as Jingyan is done with the exhausting business of rebuilding a civilization from the ground-up, he returns to watch over Xiao Shu. He’d already moved some of his scant belongings so he could sleep in the same room as Xiao Shu, paying no mind to the looks the Chiyan survivors send him. Among his crew members, Qi Meng is the biggest concern, but Zhanying assures Jingyan all of them remain loyal to him and Queen Jing Yi.

“They know you served with Marshall Lin on the _Pearl._ Our people understand your character, and know you would never abandon a person who had saved your life, and who you once called friend, no matter his heritage.” Zhanying speaks in an undertone, vigilant for any sign of Qin Banruo’s spies, even in Jingyan’s palace. Jingyan had known what his crew would feel – he’d handpicked them, limiting them to who he could trust wholeheartedly. He still feels relief at Zhanying’s words.

“Thank you, Zhanying. The last thing we need is for anyone else to join Qin Banruo’s faction, or Hong Xiu Zhao.” Zhanying’s expression is grave.

“With all due respect, but you know one way to tip the balance of power in your favour would be to assume the title of Crown Prince. Qin Banruo is excellent as a military officer and strategist but she thinks of people as tools, and is far too loyal to Princess Xuanji to become an effective successor to Queen Jingyi.” Jingyan sighs. This had been a point of contention between him and Zhanying – and his mother – for almost fifteen years, now. 

“And you know why I can’t do that. Liang will interpret is as Hua accepting their rule again.” Jingyan points out. “The Emperor never disinherited me because he’s still hoping to claim sovereignty over whatever planet the Hua could find and settle, and the only reason Liang hasn’t been able annex New Hua was because they’ve been too busy fending off Da Yu and Northern Yan to challenge the Federation.” No matter how doubtful it was that the Federation would actually come to their aid. Jingyan knows full well some of Starfleet’s officers would be all too willing to allow the year-old settlement in New Hua to be razed anew than risk their homeworlds’ political or economic interests in Liang. 

“Our people would rather be destroyed again than submit once more to Liang.” Zhanying agrees. “But they love you. They trust you. It was thanks to your efforts that you gained them this planet to begin with.” Jingyan shakes his head.

“Many still see me as Emperor Xiao Xuan’s son first. As a child of Liang rather than Hua.” _My own aunt among them._ He tries but fails to keep the bitterness out of his voice. “I’d rather not cause further divisions among our people, for those still undecided which faction they would support. And I’m not giving the Emperor an excuse to invade New Hua, or destroy it. If it happens to us a second time, we won’t survive it. Especially now.” Zhanying is silent for a moment.

“The destruction of the Chiyan army will have consequences for us.” He says at last. Jingyan exhales. The Emperor would want to prove his military strength still survived, even without General Lin Xie and his men.

“Whether or not we give Xiao Shu up to them, they’ll find a way to make us pay.” _And Xiao Shu will pay the steepest part of that price._

In Xiao Shu’s room, Jingyan sleeps fitfully, ensuring no assassin would come after his friend. Waiting for him to wake up. He submits himself to having his bone marrow extracted to give to Xiao Shu – a process that was old-fashioned and painful, but to their dismay snow-beetle poison also had the unfortunate effect of neutralizing the effects of organ-regrowing pills. Jingyan bears the sharp bite of pain, and the eventual discomfort, watching the bag of red cells fastened to the IV drip, praying to Hua’s gods – who remained, who were listening, and who could forgive - that his cells would keep Xiao Shu alive. 

His prayers are answered. Xiao Shu’s vitals stabilize. His hair and skin turn back to their normal color, though his limbs remain brittle and fragile. Finally, two months and a day to the date they’d found him in Mei Ling – two years to the day he and Jingyan had parted ways - Xiao Shu opens his eyes, and they’re lucid.

“Jingyan?” Jingyan had lightly dozing but snaps awake, and immediately hurries to Xiao Shu’s side. Xiao Shu’s eyes are clear but his brow is wrinkled in disbelief, and wary distrust. His voice, when he speaks, is hoarse and cracked from disuse.

“I thought I was dreaming about you.” Xiao Shu says. “You came for me?” Hesitantly, Jingyan reaches forwards, takes his hand.

“I’m real.” He says. “I’m here.” Xiao Shu gives his hand a weak squeeze, wincing when even that simple movement is too much for his ravaged joints. His face is painfully thin. His cheeks are hollow and his eyes too large and too wide. The rest of his body is little better. The venom had ravaged it, and Queen Jingyi had warned her son quietly that Xiao Shu would have health issues that would persist for the rest of his life.

“What’re you doing here?” Where am I?” He whispers. “Am I at Starbase?” Jingyan strokes his cheek.

“You’re safe.” Jingyan says carefully. “Try not to worry too much. You’re very ill.” Xiao Shu’s frown deepens.

“Why? Did I get sick? I remember fire. Falling…” Xiao Shu blinks, and Jingyan sees the moment memories trickle in, as the confusion is replaced by blank horror.

Xiao Shu sits up, too fast for Jingyan to stop, and he promptly keels over, landing flat on his back with a pained gasp, his heart rate skyrocketing.

Jingyan rings Meng Zhi, standing guard at the door. He catches Xiao Shu’s arms as they begin to flail, praying he doesn’t have a seizure, but after a few moments, Xiao Shu’s ragged pants slow down. He breathes, Jingyan cradling his head. Finally, he manages to speak.

“Where am I?” His voice is clear, and full of pain. Jingyan holds onto his wrists, feeling the staccato tempo of his pulse through his thin skin.

“You’re in New Hua.” Xiao Shu’s eyes widen. He tries to buck up again, but Jingyan gently places a hand on his cheek.

“My crewmates and I were on a supply run when we received a Chiyan starship’s distress signal.” He looks Xiao Shu in the eye while speaking, feeling his pulse slow down, only letting go when it does. “New Hua has just signed a treaty with Da Yu. We were bound by its terms to render aid when necessary. When we reached Mei Ling, the battle was already done. We found you and three of your men being tended to by Lin Chen.”

“Who?” Lin Shu croaks out. Jingyan’s heart snaps in two at the hope that flashes through them. 

“General Wei Zheng.” Jingyan answers. “Infantrymen Zhen Ping and Li Gang. They’re well. They’re helping look after you. Apart from my crewmates, only the Queen, and two of her most trusted maids know you’re here. And who you are.” He perches on the edge of the bed. Xiao Shu looks too exhausted to even try sitting up again. 

“Where.” His voice is a tired, painful rasp. “Is my father?” Jingyan feels the guilt twist in his gut. But a lie hurts more than the truth, in the end.

“Dead.” Jingyan says gently. “I did not see General Lin’s corpse, but Zhen Ping saw someone shoot him in the back with a phaser.” Xiao Shu’s expression does not change, but his grip tightens to the point of pain. Jingyan does not let go, or try to twist away.

“My mother and Prince Qi. They’re dead too, aren’t they?” Xiao Shu breathes. At Jingyan’s hesitation, he gleans his answer.

“I know the Emperor… He won’t leave any of them alive…” Xiao Shu lets go of Jingyan’s hand. Jingyan feels the blood rushing back, knows Xiao Shu’s grip will leave bruises. Xiao Shu’s eyes are hollow as they stare right up at the ceiling.

For a long moment he is silent, and then Xiao Shu’s eyes flutter closed. Jingyan nudges him back to wakefulness.

“Hey.” Jingyan whispers past the lump in his throat. His voice shakes. “Xiao Shu, stay awake for a little while, okay? I’ll call my mother, have her check your condition-“

“Jingyan.” Xiao Shu’s voice suddenly sounds very clear. So are his eyes when he opens them, burning bright with the souls of everyone slaughtered on that plain. “Did you know this would happen?” Jingyan remembers a similar conversation, from two years ago.

_“Who sent her here? Why did she assassinate them? Jingyan,” Xiao Shu’s grip is harsh on his shoulders. “Answer me.”_

“Xiao Shu, _I didn’t._ ” Jingyan says. He holds Xiao Shu’s face between his hands, sickened with grief, remembering the last time he had done this, as he begged Xiao Shu not to return to the trap Jingyan knew would eventually kill him. “You _must_ believe me, I had no idea –“

But that was a lie, just like he’d lied to Xiao Shu back then. He’d known the moment he’d caught Fourth Sister that his aunt was plotting to destroy Liang. And he’d let her escape, and used Xiao Shu to do it.

“You’re lying.” Xiao Shu’s voice is small and hurt. Something in his eyes crumbles, breaks, as tear after tear slips down his cheeks. He flinches away when Jingyan reaches for him, turns his head to the side.

“Please let me rest.” Xiao Shu’s voice is barely audible. Jingyan hesitates for a moment, but forces himself to leave, knowing his presence would only bring Xiao Shu further pain. As the door slides shut, he hears Xiao Shu begin to weep.

\-----

After the trip to the Memorial Hall, things get… better. Jingyan isn’t quite as cold, at any rate. He still keeps to himself and the other Hua students, but he doesn’t look like he’s deliberately seeing right through Lin Shu when their paths cross, anymore, nodding when Lin Shu smiles and greets him.

“He’s watching you.” Lin Chen murmurs, giving Lin Shu a meaningful look over his congee and pointing with his spoon at Jingyan, seated a few feet away and frowning at his notes. Meng Zhi chokes on his _youtiao_ , and Lin Shu sighs and slaps him in the back until his airways are clear. Lin Chen smiles sweetly as Meng Zhi glares at him and swipes his last stick of _youtiao_ , to Meng Zhi’s enraged roar.

Jingyan’s eyes meet Lin Shu’s. Lin Shu gives him a sunny, sheepish grin, and feels immensely gratified at the small smile that curves around Jingyan’s face as he returns to his studying.

“I know.” Lin Shu says. Lin Chen raises his eyebrows at him, and Lin Shu deliberately ignores him in favour of focusing on his _bao._

“Maybe try to talk to him? I think you could be good friends.” Lin Chen’s smile is sly. Lin Shu chews swallows his bite of meat and pastry before answering.

“The Young Marshall of Chiyan on friendly terms with the Prince of Hua? That’s not going to end well when it reaches the Emperor’s ears. Least of all for the Hua Remnant. Anyways, he’s being watched.” Lin Chen raises his eyebrows, and Meng Zhi frowns.

“By who?” Lin Shu shrugs, glancing to the side. There is a pretty young cadet concentrating on her _shen jian bao,_ but he can tell by her body language she’s paying rapt attention to what’s going on around her. It makes him uneasy, wondering what other seasoned agents surrounded them without any of them being the wiser. 

By the look on Jingyan’s face, Lin Shu knows he’s noticed them noticing her. There’s something almost regretful on his features as he collects his things. The girl follow him soon after, and only then do the three of them relax.

“Xuanjing Bureau.” Lin Shu says in an undertone, once they’ve left the cafeteria. “Emperor’s secret police. They’re everywhere in Liang. I guess the Emperor sent some here to have Prince Jingyan watched.” 

“Why does he have to be watched? That’s so weird.” Meng Zhi remarks. Lin Chen sighs, dunks his stolen _youtiao_ into his congee and shoves it into Meng Zhi’s mouth.

“He’s half-Liang.” Lin Shu says quietly. “And the Emperor’s son. Liang doesn’t consider him – or the Hua – to be a threat anymore after blowing them up to dust, but I guess the Emperor is paranoid enough to have him tailed, just in case.” Meng Zhi’s face falls. Lin Chen leans his chin against the palm of his hand, giving Xiao Shu a considering look.

“What about you? Are you sure you’re not being watched?”Meng Zhi asks uneasily. Lin Shu grins at him sunnily.

“Remember those cadets who got expelled for partying and drug use during our first month?” Lin Chen cackles. “I was the one who got security to drop by their dorm room in the middle of the night. Coincidentally, I linked them with the supplier they got the drugs off of in the first place. Anonymously, of course.” Meng Zhi looks impressed. Lin Chen finishes the rest of his congee, points his spoon at Lin Shu.

“Be careful though, Xiao Shu. The Emperor might find your cleverness entertaining for now, but he might very well consider you a threat in the near future. His best friend’s son or not.” Lin Shu sighs, giving the edge of his sleeve a hard twist before leaning back against his seat.

He knocks on Jingyan’s door that evening. Jingyan opens it and looks surprised to see him, doubly so when Lin Shu holds up a bag of snacks and study materials.

“Admiral Zheng’s test is gonna be killer. I need someone to help test me and make sure I’ve gotten it. I’m paying you back for your time in snacks and coffee.” Jingyan visibly hesitates, but receives the snacks and doesn’t send him out.

“Why don’t you ask Lin Chen and Meng Zhi to help you?” He asks. Lin Shu grins, throws himself down at the foot of Jingyan’s bed and crosses his legs.

“Don’t worry, I wasn’t seen. There’s a weird passage through the basement that leads from my corridor to yours that no one seems to know about.” Jingyan relaxes. To Lin Shu’s delight, Jingyan takes out a pack of hazelnut cookies and after some hesitation, opens them. Lin Shu reaches forwards and grabs a pack of magnolia cakes, cramming one into his mouth and swallowing. He’s not entirely certain, but he thinks he sees Jingya’s eyes soften.

Buoyed, by the sight, Lin Shu decides to throw caution to the wind. “That’s all yours. I’m allergic to hazelnut. I noticed you always choose desserts with hazelnuts in them in the cafeteria.” He makes himself comfortable, cramming a second cake into his mouth. “Lin Chen’s brain works so fast that it’s annoying to try to get him to test you, he’s going to jump from one thing to another and then get distracted. Meng Da-Ge prefers to study by himself. Anyway, you looked like you were struggling with that one theorem this morning.” Lin Shu once again feels that bloom of accomplishment at seeing Jingyan smile.

“… I am a little worried that you’ve been watching me long enough to pick up on my favourite dessert, but I admittedly need some more help grasping the basics.” Jingyan says wryly. Lin Shu grins and holds out his hands for Jingyan’s reviewer.

“C’mon. Let me help you.” There’s nothing forced at all about Jingyan’s answering smile.

Three years pass by in a blur. If Lin Shu were lying to himself, he would say he hadn’t meant his and Jingyan’s study sessions to continue. Jingyan is guarded, but easy to talk to once he lowers his defences. Partially, anyway. Blunt to a tee, steady, and implacable, which made him the ideal study partner for Lin Shu – taking him to task whenever he got impatient, or bored, which Lin Chen never had the patience to do. He’s also as intensely curious about Lin Shu as Lin Shu is about him.

They skate around the issues of their respective worlds, at first. Focusing on safe topics, like their studies, or current events not involving Liang. Literature and the arts as well, the sheer breadth of information available to Lin Shu is what he relishes the most here.

But it’s inevitable that either Chiyan or Liang come up, eventually. To Lin Shu’s surprise, Jingyan brings it up first.

“You know, we used to play together when we were toddlers.” He says. Lin Shu almost chokes on his homemade magnolia cake – Jingyan, to his pleasure, can cook, and cook _well._ “My mother used to make that cake for you. It made me happy when I saw you still like it. You were a ridiculously picky eater when you were small.” Lin Shu swallows it down with a cup of tea that Jingyan had learned to keep around for him.

“How come I don’t remember?” He demands. Jingyan chuckles. It would, Lin Shu thinks dazedly, explain the oddly indulgent manner with which Jingyan treated him, sometimes. Like now, as he places another magnolia cake on his plate. Jingyan had been plucking flower petals when Lin Shu had arrived, and had immediately set him to work pounding the finished ones into a paste, and to help him shape them and steam them. Now as he bites into the cake he wonders if Jingyan had picked the flowers specifically for him.

“You were two years old when we escaped Hua. Of course you don’t remember.” His smile fades as he gets that look on his face again. That look that told Lin Shu he was remembering.

“General Lin Xie never told you about us?” Lin Shu shakes his head slowly. He resists the urge to reach over and smooth out the soft crease between Jingyan’s eyebrows.

“I only knew your mother was a spy, and no one knew she was actually Queen Linglong’s sister until she fled Liang with you.” He looks down at his cake. “Dad never liked talking about it. Neither did Mom. I guess it made sense, you can’t really trust a kid not to babble about family secrets. I got the sense they were close, though. Until they weren’t.” Jingyan is still for a moment, then he stands up, reaches towards his shelf. To Lin Shu’s surprise, he takes out a photograph. Jingyan hands it to Lin Shu, and Lin Shu blinks when he sees the image of himself as a newborn baby, with his parents. He recognizes the Emperor, howling with laughter as Lin Shu splutters and tries to smack at his nose with his fists. And then he recognizes a small boy, standing beside the crib, watching the baby inside with dark, curious eyes.

“I keep this as a reminder that the ones you love can always turn on you.” Lin Shu returns the photograph to Jingyan, and Jingyan places it back on the shelf. He doesn’t return to his seat, simply leans against the kitchen counter. “General Lin Xie was a beloved uncle, before. The Emperor was the father I respected.” Lin Shu wonders, briefly, if Jingyan is recording this. If he’s trying to catch Lin Shu into letting something slip that he would be answerable for.

“I’m not recording this.” Jingyan says. “Or trying to get information about Liang out of you. Consider it as a warning on how fickle the Emperor’s affections can be.” He glances at Lin Shu.

“Do you really think I would befriend anyone just to use them?” Jingyan’s voice is quiet. He sounds almost hurt, and Lin Shu blinks.

“You’re a prince. It’s what princes do.” Lin Shu points out. He sets his plate and chopsticks down. “Prince Qi’s as decent as they come and always says what he means, but even he has to have a sneaky side and compromise if he wants to get anything done. It’s part and parcel of ruling.” To expect anything else would be naïve, his father had told him. It hadn’t been so bad before, Lin Shu knows. But the Emperor had replaced some of his most capable ministers on allegations of insubordination and it had become much more difficult to work with the sycophants that replaced them.

But of course, he can’t tell Jingyan about that. Jingyan, who was quiet and just and stubborn and so, _so_ good. All qualities that likely would have gotten him killed while in Liang’s court. Or worse, imprisoned.

“All I know is I won’t be the kind of ruler who orders innocents killed.” Jingyan says. He doesn’t look at Lin Shu while he’s saying it. Lin Shu barely refrains from reaching over and taking his hand.

“Neither will I, as a general.” Lin Shu finds himself saying. Jingyan meets his gaze then, and he finds himself fighting not to blush at the intensity he finds there.

“What about me?” Lin Shu blurts out before he has a chance to think better of it. “What am I to you?” It comes out far more loaded than Lin Shu meant. Jingyan looks at him with startled eyes, and Lin Shu nearly bites his own tongue off, unable to breathe as he awaits Jingyan’s answer-

Jingyan snorts, places the last piece of cake on Lin Shu’s plate.

“You’re still Xiao Shu. You haven’t changed that much, from when you were little.” Lin Shu squawks in indignation, covering up the warm glow he feels at having Jingyan use his nickname.

“I take offense at that, you’re implying that I still act like a spoiled two-year old-“ Jingyan rolls his eyes.

“You do.”

“HEY-” But Lin Shu is smiling, and so is Jingyan, but not without pain.

At the end of the three years, the cadets graduate and get assigned to their first ship. Lin Chen blinks in surprise when he sees Jingyan and Lin Shu have both been sent as ensigns aboard the _U.S.S. Pearl._

“This is unexpected.” He gives Lin Shu a suspicious glare. “Have you by chance anything to do with this arrangement?” Lin Shu grins at him and does not answer. Later that day, he goes to find Jingyan.

“Five years in space.” Jingyan says. They’re in Jingyan’s room, as usual, and Lin Shu had gotten them drinks to celebrate. Jingyan had made a face at the taste of the rice wine he’d brought but to Lin Shu’s delight, he hadn’t opted out to drink water instead. Now there’s a gorgeous flush on his cheeks and Lin Shu can’t stop looking at him, imagining him in Command Division’s gold and black uniform. Lin Shu had just received his uniform a few hours ago, and he’d never thought he would feel such a sweeping sense of relief upon receiving the bundle of gold cloth, the badge on top shining bright with the freedom it promised.

“Five years to. Leave this all behind.” Jingyan closes his eyes. Lin Shu turns to face him.

“You’re tired?” He asks softly.

“So are you.” Jingyan says. “Same reason as me.” His eyes are liquid as he watches Lin Shu. Something tenuous and fragile between them, liable to snap if Lin Shu pushes too hard.

Lin Shu licks his lips, stupidly wondering if Jingyan has eaten hazelnut today, and wondering if it would be worth Lin Chen hypospraying allergy medication into his eyes just to be able to kiss Jingyan. And then all thoughts disappear when Jingyan, very slowly reaches forwards. His hand closing around the collar of Lin Shu’s shirt.

Lin Shu waits, breathless. Jingyan looks. Uncertain. Fragile. Struggling with himself, with what he wanted, and Lin Shu wants to close his hand over Jingyan’s, wants to tell him _we’ve wanted each other for three years, let go. Just for this moment, let all of it go. Who we are, what our families did to each other, let go-_

To Lin Shu’s immense disappointment, Jingyan drops his hand. He turns away, closes his eyes. Lin Shu waits for a few minutes more, but Jingyan’s breath deepens, soft with sleep, and Lin Shu sighs. He watches over his friend for the rest of the night.

\---  
V.

The fever doesn’t return. Xiao Shu cries himself to sleep. Jingyan waits by the other side of the door, seeing nothing until Meng Zhi arrives, pulling him up back onto his feet and giving his shoulders a pat. Jingyan lets him, knowing that when Meng Zhi finds out about the truth, it wouldn’t be likely that their friendship would survive.

“Take care of him.” He tells Meng Zhi quietly. Meng Zhi squeezes his shoulders.

“I will.” He promises, and only then does Jingyan leave to confront his mother. She’s in the Great Hall, attending to court matters with her ministers, but at the sight of Jingyan she quietly excuses herself.

“Xiao Shu is awake.” He says. He sees his mother heave a sigh of relief at that, and all of a sudden, the question he’d been holding back for a month tears out of him.

“Did you know what Princess Xuanji was planning?” He demands, his voice trembling. Queen Jingyi’s face looks careworn and tired. Jingyan feels guilt and dread twist his gut, but he _has to learn the truth._ “When Fourth Sister killed those officials, did you know that it would be Princess Xuanji’s first step in destroying General Lin’s army?” 

“I knew Xuanji’s aims were to weaken Liang’s central government from the inside.” She says. “And to do so, she targeted the Emperor’s most powerful ministers and generals. General Lin Xie is – was-“ She corrects herself with a slight catch in her voice. “- Among them. Xuanji deemed the details of her plan too dangerous for me – and by extension, you - to learn.” Jingyan tries not to flinch. Queen Jingyi continues.

“Xuanji intended to tell you about her plan during your time in Starfleet Academy. She wanted you to be her agent in Starfleet, to oversee a network of eyes and ears for Hua’s benefit. Eventually she deemed it too risky to involve you, especially since the Emperor had decided to order Xuanjing Bureau’s agents to trail you and your friends” Queen Jingyi visibly hesitates before adding: “Her discovery of your friendship with Xiao Shu – with Marshall Lin Shu - sealed her decision.”

“She never confronted me about that.” Jingyan says tersely. “And neither did you.” _She just sent one of her spies to me and ordered me to prove my loyalty in the worst way possible._ He’s trembling as he turns away. Queen Jingyi places a hand on his back – a gesture that used to soothe him, but now makes him flinch back. She draws away.

“Xuanji did not know if Xiao Shu had been ordered by his father, or the Emperor to befriend you, or turn you to their side.” Queen Jingyi explains quietly. “She had wished to confront you shortly after it started. As a mother, I knew you too well to fear any sort of betrayal from you. As a queen, I wanted to give you the chance to turn Marshall Lin away from Liang’s influence. I know you remember him as a child; you would do anything to save him. I also suspected he wouldn’t have even been in Starfleet to begin with if he harboured no doubts about the Emperor’s rule. And you wouldn’t have befriended him – or fallen in love with him - to begin with.”

Jingyan does not try to deny it. He thinks of Xiao Shu, who he had cared for as a child and who he had loved as an adult. Who had lost everyone he ever loved, whose body had been destroyed by the vengeance against a sin he had no part in.

_What would you have done if you had known? If Princess Xuanji had allowed you to know?_

“Jingyan…” Queen Jingyi’s voice has gone soft. She holds his face between her hands, and all of a sudden Jingyan is a child again. Four years old and unable to hide from the horror that was happening all around him. “Why did you never tell me?” Jingyan closes his eyes, swallows past the lump in his throat.

“We were cadets together. We were assigned to the same classes, eventually the same ship, and you know how dangerous it is in space. He saved my life, several times. In some instances, at great cost to himself.” He forces himself to look his mother in the eye. “More times than I saved his. I owe him debts I can never repay.” _He was my friend, and I betrayed him._

“Xuanji and her supporters will say that no scion of Lin Xie will ever be able to repay _his_ sins.” Queen Jingyi says.

“What do you suggest I do, Mother?” Jingyan asks bitterly. Frustration and grief has made his temper brittle. Xiao Shu has not spoken to him since the night his fever had broken, had remained glassy-eyed and quiet in his room, his wasted limbs so still that Jingyan has to watch the rise and fall of his chest closely, just to make sure he’s still breathing. “Try him for crimes that his father committed? Allow him to be ripped to pieces by a vengeful mob? You took care of him when he was a newborn, you _loved_ him-” Queen Jingyi raises her hand, and he falls silent, ashamed at his outburst.

“I will never ask you to execute him, Jingyan.” She says, her voice is gentle. “For saving you, as you said, I too owe him a debt I can never repay.” Jingyan looks her in the eye then, expression hopeful. “But I fear that either Xuanji or Lady Qin will conspire to force your hand, to choose between Xiao Shu or our people.”

Lady Qin Banruo. Princess Xuanji’s protégé and every bit as ruthless as her teacher. Jingyan lets out a breath. “I already made that choice, before.” He says. He does not say _It cost Xiao Shu everything._

Queen Jingyi gives his shoulders a squeeze. “Leave her to me. Now, return to Xiao Shu. He needs you, now more than ever.”

When he returns to Xiao Shu’s quarters, Meng Zhi confronts him.

“ _You-“_ He practically snarls. “ _All_ of you-“ He looks too livid to even speak. Zhanying holds up his phaser set to stun, but Jingyan bids him lower it with a look. Meng Zhi points a shaking finger to the closed door of Xiao Shu’s room.

“Princess Xuanji _did this to him.”_ Meng Zhi spits out. “She and that Xia Jiang person _both_ – that Da Yu assassin who impersonated my reliever – she wasn’t from Da Yu, was she? She was Hua.” There is no point in denying it, so Jingyan does not.

“Yes. She was a member of Hong Xiu Zhao, a circle of spies and assassins that my aunt manages in Liang.” Jingyan says quietly. “I didn’t know about her mission until she was caught. So I had to help her escape to avoid casting suspicion on the Hua.” Meng Zhi stares at him. He looks utterly, absolutely betrayed.

“Yeoman Meng, what I did deserves no forgiveness. Least of all from you and Xiao Shu.” Jingyan says, his voice steady but firm. “But please believe me when I say I’m doing everything I can to protect him from Princess Xuanji. And I know you’re not going to want to serve me again, but I wish to ask you to stay. For Xiao Shu’s sake and not my own. There is no one I can trust with his safety as much as you.” Meng Zhi looks very much like he wants to hit him. Or shout. Or cry. Instead, he turns down the corridor. A look at Zhanying has him following Meng Zhi without a word. Jingyan lets out a breath. Palms open the lock of Xiao Shu’s room and opens it.

The Chiyan survivors look up with visible unease and distrust as always, but no overt hatred. Neither Xiao Shu nor Meng Zhi must have told them yet, Jingyan figures, because they would be less likely to cooperate with the Hua if they knew. He gathers the Chiyan survivors to him and hands them phasers, all of them fixed to stun but not kill.

“… Why are you arming us?” Zhen Ping asks, startled.

“So you can protect Marshall Lin.” Jingyan says. “Queen Jingyi does not intend to cause any of you harm, but I cannot say the same for Princess Xuanji, or anyone loyal to her.” Zhen Ping goes pale, but nods and accepts the phaser. 

“Why not?” Xiao Shu is awake. Jingyan very badly wants to take his hand. To curve around him and keep him safe.

“Just in case Princess Xuanji suspects you’re here.” He says. “She won’t be able to afford to make a fuss about it – otherwise she’d have dragged you out in the open by now. But she’s not above having Lady Qin send an assassin to kill you without my knowledge.”

“Like Fourth Sister?” Xiao Shu’s eyes are flinty. Jingyan flinches. Xiao Shu laughs, quiet and hollow. He reaches a hand towards Li Gang, and after some hesitation, Li Gang hands him his phaser. Jingyan watches him inspect the settings, poking at them and realizing they can’t be changed. 

“You would let my people shoot yours?” Xiao Shu asks. He sounds… exasperated. He does not look at Jingyan. “Back in Liang, you would be executed for treason for this, Prince or not.” Jingyan does not answer. He simply pulls up a seat besides Xiao Shu. After a few moments more silence, Xiao Shu looks at his men. Wordlessly, they leave, Li Gang hesitantly taking the phaser from Xiao Shu’s outstretched hand and glancing behind him as he turns away. General Wei Zheng stands by the door, but at Xiao Shu’s nod, he too departs, shutting the door behind them. 

After a very long silence, Xiao Shu speaks.

“Why did you bring me here?” Jingyan exhales. He thinks a strategist like Xuanji would be able to parry with an answer that wouldn’t give away anything , and his mother would be able to deflect and have them come up with their own reason to satisfy themselves with. But Jingyan is neither of those things, so he decides on the simple truth.

“I couldn’t let you die.” He whispers. He wants to touch Xiao Shu’s face lightly, to wipe away the tears the brim over and spill down his hollow cheeks when he finally looks up at Jingyan.

“Lin Chen will be here soon.” Jingyan murmurs. “He’ll take you to Langya. You will find asylum there. Safety.” Xiao Shu slowly shakes his head.

“I will never be safe.” Xiao Shu says, bleakness weighing every syllable. “The Emperor won’t stop until all of Chiyan are dead. Until he believes his throne is secure. And if Xia Jiang replaces him…” His fingers twist at the edge of his sleeve. Jingyan slowly reaches forwards, expecting to be rebuffed. But after a moment, Xiao Shu releases his sleeve, allows Jingyan to cradle his skeletal fingers in his own.

“Do you know why I ended up in the same ship as you?” Xiao Shu asks. His vibrant, lively eyes now always look like they’ve been lit by a fire from within, raging inside him. “Because I asked to be assigned to where you would be sent. I didn’t want to take the risk that the Emperor would be able to try to destroy the _Pearl_ while you were on it.”

“Xiao Shu…” Words fail him. Xiao Shu looks at him, but Jingyan can see his defences crumbling. Can hear the words he’s not speaking out loud.

_I loved you, and you turned on me._

“Come here.” Xiao Shu’s voice is small. “I need you to hold me.” Jingya’s heart leaps and shatters at the same time and he obeys, scooping up Xiao Shu’s slight weight into his arms and feeling horror weigh in his heart at how light he is, how cold his skin feels. Xiao Shu clings to him and buries his face in his chest, his tears soaking into Jingyan’s shirt.

\---

Their five-year mission begins.

Neither Jingyan not Lin Shu talk about that night. Lin Shu can still feel the ghost of Jingyan’s touch, and every now and then Lin Shu catches Jingyan watching him, but looking away when he sees Lin Shu has noticed.

Part of Lin Shu wants to grab him by the shoulders. Wants to yell at Jingyan to _let it go, it’s behind us, how many hundreds of lightyears away. Stop grappling with the shadows of the past, I’m here right in front of you and I want to be part of your future–_

But another part of him, the one born when Lin Chen forced his eyes open to the truth, has him holding back. _He will come to you when he wills it, and you should not, you cannot force him. You have no right to make him choose between you and his people._

Lin Chen is the _Pearl’_ s medical officer, Meng Zhi is in training to be the yeoman. If they pick up on the tension between Jingyan and Lin Shu, Lin Chen very carefully does not mention it, kicking Meng Zhi when he starts to ask too many questions.

“So what do you intend to do?” He asks one time, when he’s off-duty. He has a jar of rice wine out and Lin Shu sighs, swipes his drink out from under his nose.

“… Distract myself?” Lin Shu says. “I’ve been in love with the man for three years. I can hold out a little bit longer?” Lin Chen’s eyes are uncharacteristically grave.

“I meant, after. When you get together. And after this mission is over. Xiao Shu, the both of you aren’t going to be able to go off gallivanting around the galaxy for the rest of your lives. He needs to find a new planet for his people to settle in. And _you_ have to return to Liang to lead your father’s army.”

“I’ll cross that bridge when I get there, Lin Chen.” Is all he says. “For all I know it’s already over.” Lin Chen snorts.

“I’m willing to bet all the copper in my body that all your problems are just starting.” He says wryly. Lin Shu drains his rice wine in retaliation, and Lin Chen boots him out of the medbay. Lin Shu’s drunk enough that his mind is feels like it’s floating, and he doesn’t see the tall figure almost in front of him until he damn near crashes into him.

“Xiao Shu.” Lin Shu’s eyes focus to see Jingyan, frowning at him, ablur of gold and black. “Are you drunk?”

“M’not on duty.” He murmurs. Jingyan sighs.

“And what if an emergency happens and you’re too inebriated to move?” He asks, exasperated. Before Lin Shu can protest, he hooks his arms around his shoulders and hefts him up, bridal-style, Lin Shu squawking indignantly.

“Hua Jingyan! Put me down!” He can’t see Jingyan’s face, but he can hear the teasing smile in his voice.

“Would you rather risk the demerits if Lieutenant Gao were to find you in this state?” Lin Shu grumbles but recedes. And it’s pleasant to be carried like this. Jingyan smells like soap and clean sweat, and Lin Shu sighs and buries his face against his neck. He can feel Jingyan swallow, hear his every breath. 

He drifts off, and he only comes to when he hears the click of a door, feeling himself being settled down onto the softness of a bed. He feels Jingyan beginning to move away and Lin Shu’s eyes snap open, desperately making a grab for him.

“Stay with me. Don’t want you to go.” He mumbles, clinging to what feels like Jingyan’s waist like an octopus. Jingyan huffs a laugh.

“Of course I’m staying. You’re in _my_ room. And I’m trying to get you a toothbrush, you’ll have a sore throat otherwise when you wake up-” Lin Shu stubbornly tightens his arms around him.

“Don’t want you to go.” Lin Shu whines again, and he hears Jingyan sigh, feeling a wave of triumphant glee as he gives up.

“Fine.” Jingyan says. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” To Lin Shu’s delight, he lies down beside him, carefully draping a blanket around them both and – after some hesitation – taking Lin Shu into his arms. Lin Shu sighs happily and cuddles closer. He thinks he feels Jingyan brush his hair out of his face and kiss his forehead before sleep pulls him under again.

When he wakes up the next morning, his throat aching, there’s a toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste, and a still-warm cup of saltwater sitting beside a breakfast tray on Jingyan’s desk. Jingyan himself is gone, and Lin Shu tries not to feel too hurt as he forces the food down his throat and hurries to his shift. Jingyan’s eyes are soft when he looks up to see Jingyan’s arrival, but he turns away from him to listen to the Communications Officer’s orders. Lin Shu corners him just as he leaves the bridge.

“Xiao Shu-“ Before Jingyan can finish the rest of the sentence with something stupid Lin Shu takes his face between both his hands and kisses him. Jingyan freezes, stunned. Lin Shu pulls away, then pulls him closer.

“Meet me in my quarters when our shift ends.” Lin Shu breathes into his ear, watching a flush creep on Jingyan’s nape, rising to his cheeks at Lin Shu’s proximity. “Don’t eat any hazelnuts. If you don’t come to me, I’ll come for _you_.” He does not look back as he turns away from Jingyan, every cell of his body singing for him.

Somehow, he gets through the day through a haze. When it’s finally over, he’s barely unlocked and the door of his room when Jingyan pushes it open for him, pulling him inside and locking the door, then pressing him against the wall. Kissing him before Lin Shu can get a word out and Lin Shu melts against him. Opening his mouth, his heart pounding, hungry, and Jingyan slips his tongue between his lips. Tasting him as thoroughly as possible.

“I _really_ hope you remember I’m deathly allergic to hazelnuts.” Lin Shu teases when they pull away for air. Jingyan snorts, kisses Lin Shu again, making Lin Shu’s head spin.

“I stopped eating hazelnuts two years ago. Didn’t want to risk it in case you tried to kiss me.” Lin Shu laughs, feeling Jingyan tugging impatiently at their clothes. Lin Shu helps him pulls his sweater over his head, running his hands over the flat planes of Jingyan’s chest, his back. Touching everywhere, brushing against Jingyan’s hardened nipples and his heart soars at Jingyan’s moan.

“That’s kind of presumptuous, don’t you think?” Lin Shu teases, touching everywhere, brushing against Jingyan’s hardened nipples and his heart soars at Jingyan’s moan. Jingyan’s eyes blaze as he practically pushes Lin Shu onto the bed and straddles him. A hungry, starving look on his face that has Lin Shu’s heart speeding up and heat surging between his legs.

“Not when you’ve made it clear how much you’ve wanted me from the day we met.” Jingyan leans down, breathes against Lin Shu’s nape. And then he darts forward, _bites,_ and Lin Shu shouts, bucking up, thanking the gods for soundproofed walls. He’s already completely hard when Jingyan tugs his pants down, strips his own off.

Lin Shu spreads his legs, shameless, feeling a surge of gratified lust when he hears Jingyan’s breath catch. Jingyan audibly swallows as he leans in. Their cocks brush, and Jingyan curses as Lin Shu gasps.

“Tell me how you want this.” Jingyan murmurs, curved over Lin Shu. Lin Shu swallows, reaches up to tangle his fingers at the back of Jingyan’s head.

“I want you in me.” Lin Shu says. “Jingyan- _ah-“_ Jingyan reaches over to the bedside table. There’s a bottle of lotion that Lin Shu was pretty sure hadn’t been there last night, and a thrill goes through him as Jingyan squeezes a liberal amount onto his palm, coating it – and his erect cock – as thoroughly as possible. He swallows as he reaches down, Lin Shu gasping as he feels slick fingers bump against his hole.

Jingyan opens him up exquisitely slowly, his fingers careful as he opens Lin Shu up. Lin Shu gasping at the slight burn of Jingyan’s fingers, breaching him, but at the press of Jingyan’s lips against his temple, he relaxes, yields. Jingyan takes his sweet time, sliding one finger in, then another, then a third. Taking care not to hurt Lin Shu, until Lin Shu is squirming, clenching down on Jingyan’s fingers in impatience. Jingyan chuckles, a low laugh that has Lin Shu’s mouth going wet.

“Ready?” Lin Shu can only nod, gasping sharply as Jingyan withdraws his fingers, lines himself up against Lin Shu’s hole. Lin Shu lets out a moan as he feels Jingyan’s cockhead breaching him, and as Jingyan slides into him in a single smooth thrust, his mind all but whites out.

Jingyan noses against his cheeks, his throat. Lin Shu blinks hard, his eyes stinging, and Jingyan waits. Sweetly, patiently, until Lin Shu nods. He starts to thrust, to fuck Lin Shu in earnest, and Lin Shu’s higher faculties are shot. All he feels is Jingyan inside him, filling him up over and over again. Their overheated flesh pressed against each other, Lin Shu touching Jingyan everywhere he can reach. His back, his buttocks, arching up against Jingyan and meeting his thrusts. Jingyan’s gaze hot with lust but so, so soft as he leans down to kiss Lin Shu, over and over. Fucking him faster and faster until all Lin Shu knows Is Jingyan’s body against his. The heat of his skin and his kisses and their dripping sweat and Lin Shu’s legs wrap tight around Jingyan’s waist, his fingernails catching against the skin of his shoulders as Jingyan thrusts into him one final time, and at the rush of heat inside him, Lin Shu’s gone.

Jingyan slumps against him, breathing hard. It is an age before Lin Shu manages to collect himself, for his grip on Jingyan to loosen. For Jingyan to pull out, trickling come. Before he can make a move to push himself up and away, to clean them up, Lin Shu wraps his arms around him, pulling him flush against his chest.

“Don’t you dare,” Lin Shu mumbles. Jingyan relaxes, and Lin Shu sees him smiling as he tugs the blanket up, over them both.

They curl up around each other. Holding hands, palm pressed to palm. Jingyan smiles when Lin Shu brushes his lips over the corner of his mouth. But regret sparks in his eyes as he closes his hand around Lin Shu’s wrist.

“We can’t let anyone know. The Emperor. I’m being watched. Even if you so kindly had them taken off my trail during our three years in Starfleet Academy.” Jingyan smiles slightly, brushing his knuckles down Lin Shu’s sweaty cheek.

“I’m afraid of what he might do to you if he finds out about us.” He kisses Lin Shu again, sweetly, and Lin Shu tangles his fingers in his hair.

“I understand.” Lin Shu whispers against his lips. “It’s okay. I just want to be with you.” They have the whole of the galaxy and five years ahead of them. They’re going to be all right.

\---

VI.

Xiao Shu is too weak to stand. His legs crumple when he tries to put any weight on them. Only Jingyan catching him keeps him from shattering his limbs on the stone floor, and Xiao Shu, already exhausted over this simple attempt, has no strength for another, his own bed-sheets too heavy for him to lift off of himself.

He sleeps for the rest of the day, mercifully undisturbed by nightmares, Jingyan watching over him. What he still has strength for, however, is rooting out information.

“Hong Xiu Zhao has its own faction here in your mother’s court?” Xiao Shu asks Jingyan. Jingyan hesitates before answering. It’s only been the fourth day since Xiao Shu woke up.

“My aunt has her supporters, but they work equally well with my mother.” Is all Jingyan says. “How did you know about Hong Xiu Zhao?” Xiao Shu shrugs. He’s staring at the ceiling, holding his Chiyan armband. His expression is calm, but the knuckles clutching his armband have gone white. He had asked for it back, shortly upon waking. Jingyan hasn’t seen him let go of it once, since then.

“Two years trying to figure out where Xia Jiang got his private army of assassins came up with a lot of interesting answers.” He says. “We recovered a paper trail. Memos, communiqués, letters, ostensibly from my father and Prince Qi, to various disgraced officials in Liang. All of them discovered by Xuanjing Bureau when Xia Jiang was rooting out corruption in Liang’s court under the Emperor’s orders. Except neither my father nor Prince Qi ever sent any of them.” Xiao Shu glances at Jingyan. “Princess Xuanji hid her tracks well. Of course, she had help.” 

“I’m sorry.” Is all Jingyan can say. Because what is there left to say? Xiao Shu laughs. Bitter and exhausted, stopping himself before he runs out of breath. Jingyan remembers that evening at the Memorial Hall. How young Xiao Shu had looked like when he first said those words to Jingyan.

“This is why Xuanji doesn’t trust you.” Xiao Shu says. “Come here.” He pats the side of his bed, and Jingyan sits gingerly. Xiao Shu doesn’t look at him, continues looking up at the ceiling.

“You can’t trust Xia Jiang.” He says at length. “His help comes with a price. Xuanji’s useful to him now, but imagine if New Hua’s interests and his are at cross-purposes.” His eyes drift shut, but he visibly forces himself to open them again.

“Queen Jingyi hasn’t named anyone as heir yet?” Jingyan does not answer. Xiao Shu replies, anyway. His frail hand groping feebly around him until Jingyan curls their fingers together.

“She should, and soon.” Xiao Shu’s voice is faint from exhaustion, but he still forces himself to speak. “The Emperor’s going to prove that Liang still has the military strength to challenge its rivals. New Hua is the most convenient target there is.” He gives Jingyan’s hand a faint squeeze.

“You should accept, the next time she asks you.” Xiao Shu says. “Knowing you, you’ve probably been turning her down. That’s the only reason you haven’t been named Crown Prince, when you’re clearly the most qualified.” Again, Jingyan doesn’t respond, and Xiao Shu drifts off, still clinging to Jingyan’s hand.

Xiao Shu’s prediction is proven true when Lin Chen returns from Langya.

“I’ve been filling Xiao Shu in on current events.” His tone is light but there’s something pointed about his tone as he turns to face Jingyan when he arrives, already pulling off his gloves. Xiao Shu is sitting propped up on pillows, and he’s flicking through a PADD. “The proverbial shit has therefore hit the fan at the Federation.” Meng Zhi glowers at Jingyan over the top of Lin Chen’s head, but says nothing.

“It took me ages to get away from Langya with all the queries everyone was sending in. Then I had to explain everything we witnessed to my father to get him to let me take half of our rare herb collection with him. That was a very unpleasant conversation indeed, and the less said about it the better. Emotions-” He frowns as he gently presses his fingers against Xiao Shu’s forehead but after a few moments, the creases on his forehead smooth out just slightly. “-Remain the most unpredictably annoying things I ever dealt with, in any race I’ve ever treated.” He gives Jingyan a pointed glance as he withdraws his touch, pulls his gloves back on. Jingyan does not answer.

Xiao Shu changes the subject. “What did Starfleet officers have to say about the massacre?” He asks. Lin Chen shrugs.

“Oh, the usual wishy-washy condemnations without having to do anything concrete about it. They’re going to roll out sanctions on trade with Liang but considering most of their worlds’ manufacturing is located there, can they really say anything out of line?” He surveys the IV bag dripping a cocktail of antidotes into Xiao Shu’s veins with interest.

“Your mother’s work is commendable, Jingyan. I must get the chance to tell her.”

 _I need to talk to the two of you in private._ Xiao Shu’s eyes linger on them both when they move to leave. Meng Zhi glares at him behind Lin Chen’s back, but it turns to a frown of mingled confusion and surprise when Jingyan presses a kiss against Xiao Shu’s forehead. Xiao Shu sighs and leans against it before letting him go.

“He’s forgiven you.” Lin Chen says without preamble when they’re alone in the corridor outside Xiao Shu’s room. “Considering this whole sorry debacle reeks of Hong Xiu Zhao’s involvement, that’s not like Xiao Shu. Unless he’s planning to stab you in the back. Also not very like Xiao Shu, but times change.”

“What is it that you wanted to show me, Lin Chen?” Jingyan asks. Lin Chen’s eyes narrow.

“I didn’t want to tell Xiao Shu because this pertains to Hua’s security, and there’s no telling what he’ll do given his mental state.” Lin Chen says tersely. “Though he’ll probably guess what you asked me not to tell him, anyway.” He glares at Jingyan, then huffs a sigh.

“This could all have been avoided if we worked for the highest bidder like our company slogan says, and not my father’s inconvenient principles, which he, even more inconveniently, rubbed off on _me_.” He pulls out a second PADD. “Right after the massacre, I received a message from General Lin.” Lin Chen says. “Automated, like he was expecting something of this sort to happen. I tried to hack his communicator after, but everything in it had been purged. Xiao Shu’s, too.” He gives the PADD to Jingyan. Jingyan frowns as he reads them. They were messages from Lin Xie to Prince Qi, and Prince Qi to several of his trusted ministers and officials.

“A list of names.” Lin Chen says. “I ran a check on them, and they’re the names of slaves, servants, concubines, mistresses, mothers, wives. According to General Lin, they’re a network of Hua spies that he and Xiao Shu had only just managed to uncover a few months ago, working closely with Xia Jiang to run circles around the Emperor. I quote ‘its very existence serves as an adequate excuse to commence military action against New Hua.’” Jingyan feels cold when he reads it.

“Don’t quite know why he sent this to my father – they hadn’t spoken to each other in over a decade. In addition to this, there’s a coded message that according to him, he was able to intercept and decrypt. From Xiao Shu, to you.” Lin Chen states. “I’ll let you read it.” Jingyan reads the message, and feels his heart go still.

_Jingyan. Liang is preparing to invade New Hua. He’s uncovered your aunt’s spy network and he’s going to use it as an excuse to wage war right after we settle the border conflict with Da Yu._

_Some Federation officials are in on it, and happy to throw New Hua into the path of a meteor. I’m defecting once I get out of Mei Ling. You were right. I can’t be complicit in this anymore. Millions will die, again._

_I’m sorry. I feel like I’m always telling you that._

_I’ll see you soon._

“I never received this.” Jingyan says through numb lips. A woman’s hoarse voice answers him.

“That’s because General Lin prevented his son from sending it.” Lin Chen whirls behind him to face a young woman in red, her eyelids painted the same color. Behind her is a woman in a dark hood, with slim shoulders. When she pushes it down, Jingyan sees a face that was a shadow of his mother’s, but much paler, with shadows carved beneath her eyes, and a bitter angry light in her gaze.

“Lady Qin Banruo.” Lin Chen bows respectfully, but his lips curl in obvious distaste. “Princess Xuanji of Hua.” Qin Banruo’s eyes flash at his disrespect before her gaze flickers over to Jingyan. 

“Prince Jingyan.” Her gaze flickers over to Jingyan. “Princess Xuanji wishes to see the prisoner.” Ice curdles in Jingyan’s stomach, and he barely hears the rest of Qin Banruo’s message. ”I have already informed her about his presence on our planet, which you and Queen Jingyi failed to do. She awaits your presence.” 

They keep their relationship secret from the rest of the _Pearl,_ with the exception of Lin Chen and Meng Zhi. They’re both too careful to let their glances linger a little too longer than necessary, for their skin to brush against each other. The crew members who had been looking forward to a fight, or at least a heated rivalry, are disappointed. The two of them work together seamlessly, without conflict, and it doesn’t take long for them to rise in the ranks.

But for all their joy together, Lin Shu’s naïve belief that the past was at least partly behind them is proven brutally wrong by the silent nightmares that wrack Jingyan in sleep. Jingyan had been tight-lipped the first time it happened, simply shaking his head and curling up in Lin Shu’s arms. He’d remained so even after it kept happening, again and again, remaining silent no matter how Lin Shu softly coaxed and cajoled to get an answer out of him. And then Talos IV happens.

The _Pearl_ had received a distress signal from a ship that had crashed more than a decade previously, and Jingyan had been part of the team to scour the ground for survivors. The team doesn’t make it back. Lin Shu beams himself down before anyone can stop him, and is promptly subdued by the inhabitants of the planet.

He finds himself in a cage of illusion. Jingyan is with him. And Jingyan. Jingyan is being punished.

He’s standing still in the middle of what seems to be a platform, his expression blank. Lin Shu reaches hesitantly forwards, sensing it would be a very, very bad idea to touch him suddenly.

“Jingyan?” Jingyan blinks, and Lin Shu can’t even scream before he’s pulled into a waking nightmare.

Blood. Jingyan sees it trickling from Queen Linglong’s lips as Liang soldiers drag her and Jinghuan out of their rooms in what Lin Shu recognizes as the Emperor’s palace in Jinling. Lin Shu’s heart goes still in his chest when he sees the red armor of Chiyan, sees his father wearing his general’s helmet as Queen Linglong splits blood at his feet, watching dispassionately as she and her screaming son are taken away.

Though Jingyan had been in the same room, they don’t find him. He’s hidden, a Hua maid with a hand over his mouth, holding him still, uncaring of the bruises her grip would leave on his skin.

The scene dissolves. The maid is holding Jingyan, hurrying down the Great Palace to a woman that Lin Shu recognizes as Jingyi – then Concubine Jing - Linglong’s sister and the current queen of the Hua. Jingyi clutches Jingyan to her, hurries him and the maid both into a space port. Lin Shu watches Liang forces overtake them, sees the maid allow herself to be caught while Jingyan and his mother barely manage to clamber onto the waiting ship.

A missile from a Liang ship strikes the side of their vessel and nearly sends them careening off-course, but somehow they manage to warp away. Queen Jingyi holds Jingyan on her lap, singing to him, letting him weep. The cold of space makes him shiver, and she wraps him in her cloak.

His surroundings dissolve once again. Jingyan’s eyes are wide as they arrive on a lush green planet. But the face of the planet is scarred with bombed-out cities, mines carved out of once-towering mountains, reefs pulverized and turned to military bases, seas that have been emptied of life. But the Palace remains still standing, Liang soldiers having been ousted by it. Lin Shu feels cold when he sees the Chiyan banner in rags, trampled underfoot. Hua soldiers standing guard by the Palace gates, grave and silent and their armor painted black with mourning.

Jingyan is looking around him with eyes wide with horror. His mother takes him into her arms, and then a sharp voice cries out her name, and a young woman that could only be Princess Xuanji, Linglong and Jingyi’s youngest sister, rushes to her. She’s dressed in black, and her eyes are reddened, and to Lin Shu’s surprise they’re the same size and shape as Jingyan’s. Concubine Jing opens her arms and her sister rushes into them, sobbing, tears streaming down her own face as they mourn.

That was the only time they had to grieve. Concubine Jing is crowned Queen of the Hua in a hurried ceremony. Jingyan watches his mother kneel in the temple, bowing to the spirits of the dead before the Priestess places a heavy gold crown on her head. Right after is Queen Linglong’s funeral, and that of her son. There is no body to bury, an empty casket is laid to rest in the hall of their ancestors.

The scene dissolves once again. A pillar of light erupts from the sky, piercing the ground, splitting the core of the world. The earth trembles and begins to break apart. A planet-wide evacuation goes underway. Queen Jingyi, Xiao Shu realizes, had been expecting this. Had spent the few days allotted her to save as many of her people as she could. Jingyan is frozen in horror, the ground beneath him crumbling in that split second before he and his mother is beamed aboard the waiting ship. Princess Xuanji is nowhere to be found.

The ship has windows. The helmsman speeds away from the blast radius, but the passengers still see the planet collapse into itself and explode, powerful enough to crack the glass. Queen Jingyi collapses to her knees at the sight, but what Jingyan seems to have remembered the most is the silence. The utter hopeless quiet that pervades the ship as the explosion fades and all that is left of Hua is a dull, hollow glow in the vast emptiness of space.

“Xiao Shu!” Lin Shu is jerked roughly back to the present by Meng Zhi’s yelling. Jingyan sways on his feet, and Lin Shu grabs him, hauling him upright and half-carrying him out of the hall. Lin Chen has a phaser aimed at the skull of the Talosian who’s captured them, and after a heated confrontation that led to the Talosians realizing that no, perhaps capturing and enslaving them for their menageries would not be the wisest of ideas, the Talosians set them free.

They cannot warp out fast enough. But Lin Shu barely feels the ship moving beneath them. He’s watching Jingyan, hollow-eyed and pale, his hands trembling but his expression betraying nothing else as Lin Chen examines him in the medbay, refraining from touching him after the violation the Talosians had committed against his mind.

“No lasting physical damage.” Lin Chen murmurs. “Psychologically, however… ”

“I’m fine.” Jingyan says sharply. “I’ll be in my quarters.” He moves to leave, and Lin Shu does not even need the look that Lin Chen aims his way before he’s following him.

“I’m putting you on bed rest for three days, just in case!” Lin Chen calls out. The doors close before Lin Shu can reply in Jingyan’s stead. Jingyan does not look at him the entire walk to his room. Lin Shu barely catches the door before it slams shut, and Jingyan looks like he wants to tell him to get out, but says nothing. His hands are still shaking. Very hesitantly, Lin Shu reaches forwards. Folding them in his, rubbing circles onto Jingyan’s wrists until his fingers fall still and his breathing returns to normal.

 _“Your father gave the order.” Lin Chen had told him, ten years ago. “The Emperor thought of it, but it was General Lin Xie who carried it out. General Lin Xie was also responsible for subjugating Hua in the first place. The blood of more than eight billion souls are on their hands, both.”_ And Lin Shu wants to scream across the oceans of time that _this isn’t his fault_ , but the look on Jingyan’s face has that voice fall quiet.

Tears are streaming down Jingyan’s face. His eyes are blank, and Lin Shu knows he probably isn’t seeing Lin Shu at all.

“You look like him.” Jingyan says abruptly. “Like your father. I only realized how much, today.” Lin Shu stops himself from flinching. Very hesitantly, he uses the edge of his sleeve to wipe the tear tracks from Jingyan’s face. Jingyan closes his eyes, his throat flexing, but allows him to do it.

“For a long time, I couldn’t remember what he looked like.” Jingyan says. “I couldn’t remember massive parts of my childhood. Only my mother holding me as we fled Liang, then Hua’s destruction. Most of them came trickling back when I turned twelve.”

“I’m sorry.” Lin Shu says weakly. Jingyan takes a deep breath, then another.

“Don’t be.” Jingyan says at last. His voice trembles. “You’re nothing like him.” His fingers encircle Lin Shu’s wrist, and tears sting Lin Shu’s eyes as Jingyan pulls him closer, holding onto him tightly.

\----

  
VII.

  
Xiao Shu is sitting up when Jingyan returns to his room, Princess Xuanji behind him. He does not look surprised to see her. Lin Chen and Qin Banruo follow close behind, and Jingyan does not fail to notice that Lin Chen keeps his hand on the phaser he knows is tucked into his long sleeve.

“Your mother’s maid is the spy.” Xiao Shu says, glancing at Jingyan once before his gaze flickers back to Princess Xuanji. “The youngest. Xiao Xin, the kid who was chatting Li Gang and Zhen Ping up. Your mother actually found out several days ago, but I convinced her not to send the kid away. I wanted an audience with your aunt.” Despite his calm words, his shoulders are locked rigid, trembling with the clear effort it takes him to sit up as much as he can. He looks ready to rip her to shreds, and he does not look up when Jingyan moves to stand by his side. Princess Xuanji’s eyes are very cool as they regard her nephew.

“Have no worries, Prince Jing. I have no intention of killing him. I have nothing to gain from it.” She hands Jingyan a PADD. “I just want you to decide if Lin Xie’s line is truly worth saving.” Jingyan skims down the files she’s pulled up and sees plans made by Liang’s military. By the Chiyan army.

“I expect Young Master Lin Chen has already showed you the messages General Lin sent Prince Qi?” Princess Xuanji’s gaze flickers to Xiao Shu. “That wasn’t the whole thing, because not even Jingyu would have stood for the entirety of General Lin’s plans had he known about them.” Xiao Shu flinches. Jingyan places a hand on his shoulder, and Xiao Shu relaxes, ever so slightly.

“Aunt…”

“General Lin Xie was planning to start a war with the Federation.” Princess Xuanji says. “With us as scapegoats. Necessary, because Xiao Xuan’s becoming more and more unpopular by the day thanks to his various ineptitudes. They need something to distract their people with to keep them from considering the possibility of a revolution. New Hua’s easy pickings given we’ve just settled it a year ago.” She pauses, visibly catching her breath.

“General Lin Xie and his allies planned to brand the Hua as terrorists, and to spread the news that the Federation was behind our actions, manipulating you and Older Sister both.” Princess Xuanji continues. “They would have invaded New Hua, with the blessing of several members of Starfleet’s top brass. Those with significant interests in the business of war.” Jingyan lowers the PADD. 

“Xiao Shu tried to stop them.” Jingyan says quietly. “He intended to defect.” Xiao Shu stares at him, startled, and Jingyan gives his shoulder a gentle squeeze. Princess Xuanji’s gaze slides over to him.

“Yes, the Young Marshall protested when he was made aware of these plans, but General Lin managed to talk him out of warning you. In a war between Liang and the Federation, even Liang would be hard-pressed to be at an advantage without the element of surprise. And in the end Young Marshall Lin still chose his empire.”

“He chose his people.” Jingyan snaps. “The exact same thing you and I have done.” Princess Xuanji’s eyes flash. Xiao Shu’s expression is blank, the way it did when he was about to slip into some terrible memory. Jingyan gently grasps his face between his hands. His skin is very, very cold. After a very long moment, Xiao Shu swallows, reaching up to encircle Jingyan’s wrists with his skeletal fingers, like Jingyan’s presence is the only reason he’s hanging on.

Lin Shu takes a deep breath. “How long do you have to live?” It takes Jingyan a while to realize he’s talking to Princess Xuanji.

“Xia Jiang likes poison.” Xiao Shu says. “It’s neat. Can be disguised as natural causes when undetected. I’m asking you now you’re significantly less useful to him after having achieved your mutual purpose: how long do you have before what he’s giving you kills you? And what measures have you set to protect Hong Xiu Zhao and New Hua, after?”

Princess Xuanji’s gaze darkens, but Queen Jingyi’s quiet voice cuts through the room before she can speak.

“That’s enough.” She says, the soft warning in her tone unmistakeable. Princess Xuanji bows to her, her mouth twisting.

“Older sister.” Queen Jingyi meets Jingyan’s gaze.

“This man is under the protection of New Hua’s laws, Xuanji.” She says. “He has committed no crime or offense to warrant execution. The Hong Xiu Zhao are to leave him be, or they will answer to _me_.”

She moves to stand in front of her sister. Jingyan does not here what she speaks into Xuanji’s ear, but Xuanji flinches, draws back. 

“Jingyan, I will speak with you.” Princess Xuanji exits the room. At a glance from Queen Jingyi, Qin Banruo follows her. Jingyan stands up, hesitantly letting go of Xiao Shu. Xiao Shu shudders but does not otherwise react. His gaze is lost. The same look in them as when Jingyan had first rescued him.

“I will come back.” He says. Xiao Shu does not react. Jingyan looks up at Wei Zheng. General Wei is pale, but he nods. Meng Zhi stands guard by the door while Jingyan leaves to confront his aunt.

\---

After the Talosians, Jingyan winds up with even more nightmares. Lin Shu wakes him up from them and learns not to show him his face during the hazy moment between sleep and waking. It was always almost guaranteed to get Jingyan’s pulse to speed up in panic, unable to distinguish between Lin Shu and the monster from his childhood.

It hurts, but Lin Shu wants to hurt Jingyan even less. So the moment Jingyan wakes, he turns away, and only faces Jingyan again once trembling arms wrap around his middle.

Sometimes, Lin Shu has nightmares, too. It’s always of Jingyan falling into a deep gorge of a crumbling planet, Lin Shu reaching forwards, unable to save him. Sometimes he sees the shadow of his father, striking Jingyan down before Lin Shu can stop him. When he wakes from those, sometimes he finds Jingyan watching him. Holding his face, running his fingers though his hair.

They commit a truly spectacular breach of the Prime Directive in a planet whose core is ready to split apart. Lin Shu volunteers to be the one to bring the defuser to the imminently erupting volcano, but the cord connecting him to the ship snaps, nearly sending him into a raging ocean of magma. Jingyan just manages to beam him back up – allowing the Pearl to be seen by the planet’s inhabitants- before another wave of magma swallows him whole.

The defuser is triggered. The volcano goes quiet. Lin Shu has to pry Jingyan’s shaking hands off of him when they get back to the Pearl. The crew are staring at them, and to distract them Lin Chen makes a very great show of fussing over Lin Shu and getting Meng Zhi to drag him to the medbay for a checkup.

Jingyan drops by after submitting his report to Captain Li Chong thirty minutes later – probably after having been given a good chewing-out the whole time - and then he falls on Lin Shu, heedless of Lin Chen’s indignantly scandalized squawks and Lin Shu’s breathless, shaky assurances.

“I’m alive. Hey, you ridiculous water buffalo, I’m _fine_ -“ 

Lin Chen kicks them out of the medbay with no further ceremony after tossing a tub of burn cream at Lin Shu’s head. Jingyan drags Lin Shu back to his room, and they spend the rest of the day chasing the horror out of each other’s skin. Later, when they’re breathless and exhausted and Lin Shu is very, very sore, he turns to Jingyan, who only very reluctantly loosens his grip so Lin Shu can turn and look him in the face.

“You think that was enough to make up for my dad destroying your planet?” Jingyan stares at him, and Lin Shu looks away.

“Forget I said that. That was really stupid.” He mutters. Jingyan pushes the hair out of his forehead.

“What you saw on Talos IV… It’s still bothering you, isn’t it?” When Lin Shu doesn’t answer, Jingyan sighs softly.

“Was that why you volunteered to go down?” Lin Shu still does not answer. Then he feels Jingyan kiss his forehead.

“I should have joined you, then. Maybe we could have made amends for what our fathers did together.” His tone is gentle, almost teasing if not for how sad it sounds. Lin Shu looks up at him again, and Jingyan smiles.

“It’s not on you.” Jingyan says. Lin Shu stares at him mutely, words failing him. So he does the only thing he can do - he reaches forward, kisses Jingyan, and Jingyan kisses him back, arms winding tight around him.

“I love you.” Lin Shu says when they pull apart for air. Because hey, he almost died. Might as well say it now.

“I love you too.” Jingyan says. “Don’t ever do anything like that again.” Lin Shu murmurs his sleepy assent, and Jingyan kisses him again.

\---

  
VIII.

He finds Princess Xuanji alone in his mother’s private study. Somehow it doesn’t surprise him that his aunt knows his way around the new palace, even after never having set foot in it before. Princess Xuanji stands by the window, the sun on her face. In the light, she looks even more sallow, more ill.

“That was a low blow, but I expected no less from Lin Xie’s ilk.” She sighs, runs a hand through her hair.

“Is it true?” Jingyan asks. Princess Xuanji looks at him, gives him a smile. It’s too bitter to be like his mother’s, but there’s the shadow of it there, along with Queen Linglong’s.

“Long enough. That’s my answer to your precious Xiao Shu.” She faces the sunlight again. “I have long enough to see justice done and our world safe.” She pulls out a chair, sits with her back to the wall, gestures for Jingyan to sit opposite her. She pulls up the PADD again, draws up the Emperor’s military plans.

“Commander Qing was the one Lin Xie was in contact with the most often. I expect Marquis Ning will replace him as his main contact, though a point in our favour is Xie Yu isn’t as influential, or as militaristic. He prefers to manipulate the court from a distance, and he’s just risen meteorically up the ranks thanks to the Chiyan massacre. So he might attempt to dissuade the Emperor to protect his own new position. The gods know he’s likely to lose it if a future war goes disastrously for Liang, and only Lin Xie would have been brilliant enough to pull it off.”

“What about Xia Jiang?” Jingyan asks. Princess Xuanji lets out a breath. It hisses through her teeth, and Jingyan hears the whistling in her lungs.

“I have struck a deal with him.” Princess Xuanji says. “Hong Xiu Zhao will do the dirty work he can’t let Xuanjing Bureau do, and he’ll ensure the Emperor will leave New Hua alone. When his power is concerned, Xia Jiang can be trusted to keep his word.” Suddenly, she slumps back against her seat. Alarmed, Jingyan rushes to her side. Her hand darts up to wipe the side of her mouth, but Jingyan still sees the trickle of blood smeared against her white palm before she wipes it on her hooded cloak.

“Qin Banruo will lead the Hong Xiu Zhao when I’m gone.” Princess Xuanji says after a long moment, her voice hoarse. “You will have to accept the title of Crown Prince.”

“Aunt-“

“Don’t try to protest, I know you never wanted it, but we have no choice.” She snaps. “Crowning you might buy us some time. You know the Emperor was always holding out hope he can use you as Hua’s heir.” She takes a deep, labored breath.

“The coronation will have to happen after you take down Commander Qing and his cronies. You know who our people are in Starfleet, they’re just waiting for your word.” Jingyan nods. He’d known that the people following him weren’t Xuanjing Bureau, but Hong Xiu Zhao.

“More than anything else, I intended for them to keep you safe.” She breathes. “You have your mother’s heart, your father’s temper, and you’re far too kind for your own good. Being a good ruler will break you.”

“I have never once desired to betray Hua.” Jingyan says. Princess Xuanji’s eyes soften.

“I know. The moment you let Fourth Sister go was the moment I was certain Older Sister raised you well, and that your father hadn’t tainted your blood.” She coughs again. “That you got Lin Shu to help you was a surprise. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry it came to this between you. That boy loved you.”

 _He still does._ Jingyan does not say. _As much as I still love him._

“You expect me to prove it again, don’t you?” Jingyan asks. “My loyalty, with Xiao Shu’s death.” Xuanji shrugs. It’s a tired gesture.

“Make your choice, Jingyan. Ask yourself what he would have allowed to happen had I not been able to neutralize their army. Ask yourself what it takes to be a ruler of Hua.” Jingyan takes a deep breath. He stands. His voice, when he speaks, is clear.

“I know myself, aunt. I know who I am loyal to, where I belong, who I serve, the lengths I will go to in order to save my people. I do not need to prove anything to you.” He hears the door open. Queen Jingyi enters.

“He is asking after you.” Queen Jingyi says. “Go to him. I will speak with my sister.” Jingyan nods, and Queen Jingyi strokes the side of his face. He does not look back at his aunt as he leaves the study.

\---

During the fourth year, things go to hell.

The Pearl had been out on what was supposed to be a simple delivery mission to a planet that a handful of Starfleet’s archaeologists had been surveying. The ship previously assigned with that task had wound up with half its crew poisoned by a yet-unknown substance. Since the Pearl’s mission would bring them close to that route to begin with, Captain Li Chong had agreed.

The trip to the planet was uneventful. However, on their way back to Starbase, they have a run-in with pirates, which leads to several missile strikes taking out a good three-dozen of the _Pearl’s_ ensigns and officers. Meng Zhi was injured badly enough that he had to be taken to Starbase, the medbay’s supplies being inadequate to treat him.

After Meng Zhi had been beamed down in a stretcher, replacements for the dead and injured officers are sent to the Pearl. The replacement yeoman is a woman who Lin Shu does not recognize. Though he can’t quite say why, something about the arrangement makes him feel uneasy.

The uneasiness is only heightened when Starbase gives them orders to pick up two Liang officials that had somehow run afoul of Da Yu mercenaries. One was an emissary to the Federation, the other was the current head of Xuanjing Bureau.

Lin Shu had welcomed them, thanking his lucky stars that Jingyan had been promoted and was now manning the bridge. The two greet him pleasantly enough, and retire to their chambers. Lin Shu begins to relax, thinking and hoping this might be an uneventful trip. Then there’s a shout. Lin Shu and Jingyan hurry out to find the Liang emissary and official dead from phaser blasts to the chest, the new yeoman with her hands up in the air, a phaser still clutched in her right hand. 

Running the identification papers she’d brought with her turns up nothing in Starfleet’s database. On the captain’s call to Starbase, they discover that the real replacement yeoman is dead, her body hidden in a storage locker. The assassin does not speak a word when she is interrogated. Captain Li Chong pinches the bridge of his nose, takes Lin Shu aside.

“What are the chances that Liang’s going to hold this against the Federation?” He asks wearily. “With Lieutenant-Commander Hua on the same ship, too. My gods, this will be a diplomatic nightmare.” Lin Shu feels the same dread at the thought of how Liang’s propaganda would spin this, but forces it aside.

“I’ll work on my father.” He says. “We have the assassin, and proof of how she faked her identity. Jingyan’s alibi is rock-solid, anyway. He was on the bridge the whole time, and there are recordings.” The captain sighs, claps a hand on his shoulder. 

“I’ll hold you to that, Lieutenant Lin. Keep it up, and you’ll be a Captain in no time. Or a First Officer, if that’s more to your tastes.” Lin Shu forces a smile at him, but when he returns to the holding cells a conversation has him stopping stone-cold.

“Fourth Sister, did she send you to do this?” Jingyan, his voice an undertone as he speaks to the prisoner in the Hua language. Lin Shu had endeavoured to learn what he could of it, though Jingyan had shied away from outright tutoring him, and the communicator badge does its work translating the rest. The prisoner’s hands are pressed to the glass. She nods.

“Why?” The woman shakes her head.

“I cannot tell you. Prince Jingyan, you must help me-“ And then she sees Lin Shu, and she stops dead. Jingyan whirls around.

“Who is ‘she’?” Lin Shu asks, and offhandedly he notes that this is the coldest he’s ever spoken to Jingyan. The assassin draws back, expression shuttering, shoulders tense. Lin Shu glances from her, to Jingyan.

“You know each other.” Jingyan’s throat flexes. The assassin is watching him, Lin Shu notices. Cataloguing each of their reactions. Memorizing them, like she would be bound to report them.

“Xiao Shu, can I please speak with you?” Jingyan glances at the assassin. “In private.” _Give me a chance to explain._ His eyes say. Lin Shu exhales, speaks into his communicator.

“Lieutenant Lin to Bridge. Can we request for relievers? There’s something I need to discuss with Lieutenant Hua regarding the prisoner.” The bridge responds in the affirmative. When the reliever arrives, Lin Shu all but drags Jingyan into his quarters. He doesn’t miss that the assassin’s eyes follow them the whole time.

“Da Yu’s Empress.” Jingyan says, the moment they’re alone. “The pirates we encountered were on Da Yu’s payroll. So is the assassin. Xiao Shu, the assassin is Hua. A Hua refugee” Lin Shu hisses. Jingyan holds up his hands. His voice is low. Urgent.

“I know her.” Jingyan says at last, and _fuck_ this was going from bad to worse. “Her name is Jun-Er. She used to live in the camps as a girl before she ran away. Many of us fell through the cracks and turned to crime as a way of survival, and she was one of them. This was the first time I’d seen her in years. I did not know what happened to her, and I was most certainly not aware of any plan to assassinate Liang officials. The Queen would never have countenanced it-“

“Jingyan, she has to be extradited.” Lin Shu hisses. “She killed two of our officials, one of them the head of Emperor’s secret police. Extraterritoriality of criminal prosecution applies to her –“

 _“We cannot send her to Liang_.” It’s almost a snarl. “Xiao Shu, if she is taken to a Liang prison, the gods know what’ll happen to her. And just imagine what the ramifications will be for my people living in refugee camps all over the Federation. She assassinated Liang officials on the ship _I_ serve in.”

Jingyan’s pulse is pounding at his throat. His expression is truly, utterly desperate. Lin Shu stares at him, heart sinking.

“Some Hua are still living in the Liang Empire,” Jingyan says. His voice shakes. “Xiao Shu, _please_ -“

“Shut up,” Lin Shu snarls. He grabs at the edge of his sleeve, twisting until the tips of his fingers go numb. “Let me think. There has to be a way out of this.”

He looks away from Jingyan’s face, unable to bear seeing the relief sweep through it at his betrayal of Liang. If he had, he might have seen the flash of sickened guilt that was just as quickly stifled, would realize this was a decision he would pay for, for the rest of his life.

\---

IX.

Xiao Shu is lying down when Jingyan arrives, but he’s not asleep. Lin Chen is watching over him, going through a bunch of files that he quickly hides when he sees Jingyan. At Jingyan’s nod, he slips away, but not without first ushering Meng Zhi and the Chiyan soldiers out to give them privacy.

Jingyan places a gentle hand on Xiao Shu’s bony shoulder, and after a moment of hesitation, Xiao Shu curls towards him. Jingyan shifts so that they’re lying together on the bed, his arm around Xiao Shu’s too-slender waist.

“Your aunt has led herself into a trap.” Xiao Shu says quietly. “Xia Jiang will hold New Hua’s safety over Queen Jingyi’s head, and yours when you inherit the throne.” Jingyan sighs.

“Princess Xuanji is aware.” He says. Mingled with the resentment and love he always felt for her is grief. Princess Xuanji is dying, her life spent to avenge the great wrong done to them. A price neither she, nor Xiao Shu should never have paid to begin with.

Xiao Shu nudges his nose against Jingyan’s collar. “I tried to defect.” Xiao Shu says. “To run. But Father caught me. And I realized it wouldn’t fix anything. You would still be in danger, you would still be destroyed.” His breath goes sharp. Jingyan cradles the back of his head, and he sighs.

“Father locked me up. I honestly don’t know what he would’ve done to me after, since he would never trust me again. I was still in the cell when Xia Jiang’s forces attacked. Father got me out in time. He died saving me.” His breath catches.

Jingyan swallows past the painful lump in his throat. The weight of all that they had done to each other is damn-near suffocating. “Why did you never tell me about the letter?” He asks. He cradles Xiao Shu’s face in his hands so he’ll look at him, pressing their foreheads together.

“I didn’t want you to blame yourself for another thing that was beyond your control.” He cracks a smile, a shadow of his old one. “It’s not on you.” Jingyan’s eyes sting. Whether not it was his or Xiao Shu’s fault, it didn’t matter anyway. They would keep paying, and paying, and paying for their fathers’ sins.

“Xiao Shu, I’m so sorry.” Xiao Shu kisses him. Jingyan inhales sharply, then relaxes. Their mouths melding together like that first time. Xiao Shu clings to him with terrible, desperate strength. Jingyan can feel desire waking up beneath his skin, between his legs, slow and quiet after so long without, but he draws back, uncertain that Xiao Shu would want this from him. But Xiao Shu wraps his arms around his shoulders, pulling him flush against his frail body. Jingyan reaches forward tentatively, slipping his hand inside the waistband of Xiao Shu’s pajama bottoms, and a few strokes is all it takes before Xiao Shu’s coming with a soft cry, Jingyan following him, his face buried into the sharp curve of his shoulder.

Xiao Shu is asleep, completely exhausted when Jingyan comes to. Jingyan cleans them both up, drapes the blanket over him. He watches him sleep for a moment, then turns to leave. Lin Chen slips inside, just waiting outside the door with Meng Zhi, wrinkling his nose at the smell but he flops down on the floor and crosses his legs with no further complaint. 

Meng Zhi follows Jingyan out the door.

“What’re you planning to do with him?” He asks. There is no heat in his words. Jingyan looks into his eyes and sees no forgiveness, but a grim willingness to work together to protect one they cared about.

“The _Pearl_ is leaving in a few days for a supply run.” He says. “It’ll make a stopover in Langya. Lin Chen has already made arrangements for Xiao Shu’s treatment there, and his new identity. He also promises Xiao Shu will be heavily guarded.” Meng Zhi frowns at him, skeptical.

“How did you manage to convince Princess Xuanji to agree to that?”

“Queen Jingyi has openly taken Xiao Shu under her protection: not even Qin Banruo will dare go against her. And it’s not like Hong Xiu Zhao can afford to let anyone know Xiao Shu is here. Not when Liang considers it an open declaration of war.” Jingyan glances at the door of Xiao Shu’s room.

“But you’re right. There’s a price we’ll have to pay for this.” _Which Xiao Shu will still pay for._

“What price is that?” Meng Zhi demands. “Jingyan, Xiao Shu can’t take much more of this –“

“It will be his choice whether he will take my offer or not.” Jingyan says. “Yeoman Meng, I’ll inform you as soon as I finish discussing my proposal with the Queen. I need to go.” Meng Zhi lets him go without further comment, crossing his arms over his chest and shaking his head as Jingyan goes.

Queen Jingyi is with his aunt when he arrives at her palace. She has her arms wrapped around Princess Xuanji. Jingyan hangs back so as not to be seen, knowing this is a scene he’s not meant to witness. His aunt only showed her weaknesses around a few select people, and Jingyan had never been one of them.

“Crown Prince Jingyan,” Qin Banruo is in his mother’s gardens, waiting for her master. She bows to him, her smile barbed and though she’d always been a master at hiding her emotions, Jingyan can see the strained edges of the deferential mask she always wore. 

“Wujin poisoning.” She explains, having caught sight of the way Jingyan was looking at her Master. “His agents give her the poison in small doses, she takes it and waits for him to give her the antidote when he needs something from her. That way, he knows she’s not a threat to him.” Jingyan feels grief and pity roil together in him, emotions he never expected to feel for his aunt.

“She was willing?” Jingyan asks. Qin Banruo’s anger flares bright.

“To destroy Chiyan? Yes.” Her lips pull back into a sneer. “Would _you_ have done the same, your Highness?”

“Do not presume to tell me about what I would do for the Hua, Lady Qin.” Jingyan says sharply. “I am not, and I have never been, your enemy. We have both given our lives to our people, in different ways.” Jingyan’s nails sink into his palms. “I loved Lin Shu, but I never once chose him over our people. Neither did that stop me from betraying him when it came to it.” Qin Banruo’s lips thin.

“Yet he still lives. You still protect him.”

“I know as well as you when someone can be used.” Jingyan says. Self-disgust coiling in him at his own words, but there is no point in lying to himself what he intends to do to Xiao Shu. “Or would you allow Xia Jiang to keep making use of Hong Xiu Zhao as his slaves under constant threat of destruction? Do you really think he’ll stop at that? Until when will Liang obtain a new Emperor? And when that happens, will our planet acquire a new conqueror?”

Qin Banruo does not stir. Jingyan looks away. This is the only way he could set Xiao Shu, and his people, free.

“Go against me all you want, Lady Qin. Let the fissures at court grow big enough for Liang to take advantage of. I do not wish for our factions to be enemies. But Princess Xuanji has replaced one master with another, and once again it will be our people who will pay the ultimate price.”

Whatever retort Qin Banruo has, Jingyan does not hear before Xuanji’s pushing herself up with visible effort, makes her way out. She shakes her head at something Queen Jingyi tells her, makes her way out of the palace. She stops when she sees Jingyan and Qin Banruo, and both bow to her.

“Ensure the terms of whatever deal you make with Older Sister are ones that you can bear to pay, and keep paying.” She says. She does not look at him anymore as she goes, and Qin Banruo trails after her without a backwards glance.

Though it is well past nightfall, when Jingyan enters, he sees his mother has laid out herbs on two tables in her dispensary. He moves to help her with them, taking stock of the ingredients for the antidote pills he knows his mother is making.

“Bingxu root.” His mother says. “For Xiao Shu. Young Master Lin brought the seeds this morning, and we’ve been able to speed up its germination process. I need it boiled and treated to remove its toxic properties. It cannot cure him completely, there has been too much physical damage, but it can remove the worst of the symptoms.” She points to a delicate herb under a sunlight, and Jingyan puts on gloves, gets to work. He glances on what she’s working on, on her table. His mother sees him watching.

“An antidote for Wujin poisoning for Xuanji.” She explains quietly. Her voice is quiet but Jingyan can see the anger and grief in the slight shake of her hands, her voice. He reaches out to her, careful not to touch her with his gloves, hugging her as tightly as he had during their escape from Liang. Her shoulders shake a little, and Jingyan feels wetness soak into his shirt, his own eyes stinging, overflowing.

\--

The assassin escapes. The cause is simple negligence. When she had been brought to the brig, no one had noticed she had a concealed a laser cutter hidden in her shoe, undetectable by their scanners. When the alarm goes off, they find the cell empty, a neat hole in the Plexiglass, the ensign guarding her out cold. So is the transportations chief and the _Pearl_ is unable to chase after the ship the assassin had beamed herself to before it warps away.

Jingyan is on the bridge the whole time, giving him a convenient excuse to report to Starbase. Xiao Shu does not answer the calls he makes that night, or open the door to his knock.

He does not speak to him, even after their crew is sent an urgent transmission cancelling their mission and requiring them to return to Starfleet Headquarters. Da Yu claims credit for the assassination, and all hell breaks loose between the two traditional enemies, again.

Upon Lin Shu’s return to HQ, he enters the Commander Qing’s office to find his father there.

“Xiao Shu.” Lin Shu freezes. General Lin is in full dress-uniform. His eyes are cool and impenetrable, even as he regards his son. Lin Shu salutes, forcing calm into his blood, the way his father had taught him.

“At ease.” Lin Xie says, and Lin Shu relaxes.

“I’ve just finished interrogating Lieutenant-Commander Hua, with General Lin here.” Commander Qing says. He pours liquor into three cups with a sigh. “Just in case, considering the exceedingly delicate situation we’ve found ourselves in. The boy had a watertight excuse, however. And he didn’t blink once, no matter the circles General Lin ran around him.” He offers Lin Shu the whiskey, and Lin Shu accepts, his palms cold. He takes a sip, and the whiskey does not warn him.

He thinks about what it must have been like for Jingyan, alone with his childhood’s monster. The lie he’d told and stuck to. He barely hears Commander Qing speaking.

“Lucky that Empress Sha of Da Yu claimed credit as soon as she did,” Commander Qing says. “Otherwise things would have gotten pretty damn messy between Liang and the Federation. But I think your father wants you to resign, boy.” The bottom drops out of Lin Shu’s stomach.

“Resign?” Lin Shu says sharply. General Lin’s eyes are flat and cold.

“I’ll take it from here, Commander. If you’ll excuse us-“ Commander Qing acquiesces, tipping his glass of whiskey to them.

“I’ll regret letting you go, Lieutenant. It’s been a pleasure to have you with us.” He chuckles a little. “I’m sure Lieutenant-Commander Hua’s going to miss you, too.”

Commander Qing’s words ring in Xiao Shu’s ears as he follows his father to the big, black car with Liang’s diplomatic flags decorating the hood. He keeps his eyes on his father’s back, even when he catches a glimpse of Jingyan as they pass by the lobby. He stops himself from glancing behind him, as the doors swing shut and he and General Lin are alone, the divider raised so not even the chauffeur can hear them.

The car weaves quietly through traffic. The taste of whiskey burns through Lin Shu’s mouth as he waits for his father to speak. Finally, his father breaks the silence.

“He looks like his mother. Jingyan.” General Lin says. “He’s grown so much. I remember when the two of you played together. He had always been a gentle soul, just like Jingyi.”

“He’s a good crewmate.” Is all Lin Shu says. He tries to see past the wall of his father’s expression, fails.

“I am certain he can lie just as well.” General Lin says. Lin Shu’s stomach twists. “You helped him cover up for that assassin, didn’t you?”

“Dad-“ Lin Shu begins to say. Or tries to. His father interrupts him. His face is cold but Lin Shu can feel the anger, the disappointment settling over him like a shroud.

“Do not dare apologize. You do not know the gravity of what you’ve done. If this gets out, all of us – you, me, your mother, even Yueyao and Prince Qi – will be executed.” Lin Shu does not quail. He forces himself to take it. General Lin’s fist flexes. Lin Shu wonders if he’s going to strike him.

“Xia Jiang has been appointed head of Xuanjing Bureau.” General Lin says. “I don’t think I need to detail to you how bad a development this is.”

Lin Shu nods tightly. He knows Xia Jiang. He’s heard about his brutal tactics, the interrogations he conducted. The unexplained deaths of his political rivals. There were many reasons that the Emperor favoured him, none of them good.

“I’ve been having him watched for a while now. Four years ago, he was having marital problems. His stupidly soft-hearted wife made the mistake of taking in a slave she witnessed being maltreated in the palace. A Hua slave.” The bottom drops out of Lin Shu’s stomach. He feels like he’s going to be sick.

“If Xia Jiang is conspiring –“ Lin Shu begins. His father interrupts him.

“We have no proof to bring him down with. Our best chance would have been the assassin you allowed to escape. But never mind that.” He raises his hand, Lin Shu sees a gleam of steel, sees his Chiyan armband.

“Da Yu’s attack was timely. It’s time for you to remember where your true loyalties lie.” Lin Shu slowly reaches forward. The bite of metal is like ice against his skin as his father places it on his palm. “We leave for Liang at dawn.”

That night, his last night at Starfleet, Jingyan comes for him instead of the other way around.

They’d long moved out of the cadet dorms, but Meng Zhi had helped them find an apartment complex with a similar set-up. Lin Shu hears the knock on the door, the frantic tempo of it. He closes his eyes, tries to ignore it. And then he gets up from packing, opens the door. Dragging Jingyan close to him as soon as the door opens, uncaring of who can see them now. Lin Shu kisses him, angry and rough and Jingyan’s hands tangle in his hair, his mouth opening for Lin Shu’s tongue.

They stumble their way to the bed, among the piles of boxes and scattered belongings. Lin Shu landing flat on his back, leaving him almost winded as Jingyan tugs off his uniform, then his own. Lin Shu sees Jingyan’s gaze lingering on his right wrist, the Chiyan armband cold against his skin. His eyes are full of grief as he drags his glance away, back to Lin Shu’s face. Lin Shu swallows and drags him closer, kissing him until their mouths are raw. 

Jingyan moans, his oil-slick fingers shaking subtly as they part Lin Shu’s thighs and slide into him, and as they kiss again and again and again and Lin Shu knows that Jingyan senses as well as he does that this will be their last.

When Jingyan enters him, the dam breaks. Lin Shu feels the tears trickle down his face, and he kisses harder, arching up against Jingyan, taking all of him in, and then they’re gone. Lin Shu clutching Jingyan’s shoulders and for one brief, merciful second, all of his thoughts, all of their past is wiped away in bliss. 

It’s over far too soon. Reality trickling back in with a sob. Lin Shu does not know if it came from him or Jingyan. His shoulder is wet from where Jingyan has pressed his face against it, but he refuses to look at Jingyan, closing his eyes when Jingyan curves a hand around his cheek, leans their foreheads together, his other arm snaking aroung Lin Shu’s waist, pressing their bodies flush together.

Lin Shu licks his lips. He opens his mouth. “Da Yu’s declared war against Liang.” He says. The words are faint. Jingyan holds onto him tighter. “I’m leaving Starfleet.” They hang in the air, fragile as smoke. Jingyan swallows. When he speaks, his voice is raw.

“Don’t go.” Jingyan whispers. He keeps his arms wrapped tight around Lin Shu, and what hurts the most is Lin Shu knows just how much he means every word. How much Jingyan loves him.

“You don’t have to be part of it. You can escape. Xiao Shu, listen to me-“ Jingyan cradles his face, and Lin Shu wants to weep, wants to rage, at the love he finds there. At the desperation in Jingyan’s every syllable. “He – the Emperor – he’ll use you. He’ll use you, and hurt you, and destroy you like he did my aunt, my brother-“

“Use me like you did?” Lin Shu says. The words are devoid of emotion, and Jingyan flinches. The Chiyan armband is very cold against the overheated skin of Lin Shu’s wrist, light gleaming off the engraved contours of his last name. 

“Xiao Shu.” Jingyan’s throat flexes. His lips brush against Lin Shu’s temple as he holds him. “I was never using you.” Lin Shu simply stares ahead of him. Wishing he could will himself not to feel Jingyan holding him. Wishing he couldn’t feel anything at all.

“My loyalty lies with Liang.” He finally answers. “Not with Starfleet. Not with you.” He pulls away from Jingyan’s grip, though every cell of his being is screaming to be with him again. Jingyan drops his arms. Lin Shu turns away from him. He does not look at his face.

“You should go.” Lin Shu says. “The Emperor will not be merciful if he finds out I betrayed Liang for you.” Jingyan does not move. Lin Shu inhales, exhales.

“Jingyan, _please._ ” He decides to strike where it hurts most. For him or for Jingyan, he’s not sure. “I’m not the only one you’re endangering by being here.” He knows Jingyan will flinch, he carefully keeps his face turned away, as he feels Jingyan’s weight ease off the bed, hears him pull his clothes back on. He keeps curled up, facing the wall, eyes blank and unseeing. And then he feels a warm hand on his shoulder.

“Xiao Shu.” Jingyan’s voice is hoarse. Lin Shu breathes out, does not turn to him like he wants. Does not reach for him. “If you’re in trouble, if you want to escape. Send for me. I’ll come for you.” Lin Shu closes his eyes, and the warmth of Jingyan’s palm leaves him.

He does not turn to see him go. Jingyan lingers for several minutes, waiting. Lin Shu keeps his eyes closed.

“I love you.” Xiao Shu hears Jingyan whisper. Xiao Shu’s lips move, but make no sound. The door opens, and he’s gone.

\---

  
X.

It had been three years since Jingyan had seen Xiao Shu. Three years since he left him in Langya, under Lin Chen’s care. Queen Jingyi had set Xiao Shu free shortly after Xuanji had left, Xiao Shu having agreed to the conditions Jingyan had set for his and the three other Chiyan soldiers’ release.

_“Take down Xia Jiang, without drawing the Hua into it. Protect Liang’s people, but not the empire.” Xiao Shu’s eyes glitter over-bright. His fingers clench into fists._

_“You would ask this of me?” His voice is tight, betrayed._

_“You said so yourself: with Xia Jiang whispering into the Emperor’s ear, it will be Liang’s people who will suffer the most.” Jingyan “Xiao Shu, I can let you go without conditions. Lin Chen can help you hide your identity, change your name, let you live somewhere far away, where no one can find you or hurt you. You can plot to destroy Hong Xiu Zhao and New Hua like your father planned to. We both know that’s not something you could ever bring yourself to do.” His voice softens. Xiao Shu grips his armband, gripping it so tightly that Jingyan is afraid the metal will cut into his skin, but he knows he has no right to take it away._

_“Xuanji cost me my family.” Xiao Shu’s expression is distant._

_“General Lin Xie and the Emperor cost us my aunt Linglong, her son, and our world.” Jingyan reminds him quietly. “And would have done so again, given the chance.” Xiao Shu flinches. Jingyan presses on._

_“This endless circle of vengeance has to end, Xiao Shu. Otherwise we’ll just keep killing each other until there’s nothing left of both Hua and Liang.” Xiao Shu is silent._

_“Your mother said ‘we’?” He asks. His eyes are on the armband._

_“We need to correct the wrongs of our fathers.” Is all Jingyan says. Xiao Shu lets out a sigh. Slowly, he lets go of his armband. It sits on top of his bedcovers, gleaming dull gray. Xiao Shu looks at Jingyan._

_“Fine.” His voice is harsh, but clear. “I accept. But whatever I do to take Xia Jiang and Xuanjing Bureau down -” His eyes blaze. “-I do it on my own terms.”_

Xiao Shu had looked around the _Pearl_ as soon as he had been beamed up, still bedridden. His eyes had met Jingyan’s, his mouth twisting into a pained, bitter smile as he remembered their whispers to each other, the hopes lost, the promises made and broken. In another life, in a parallel universe, Jingyan knows he and Xiao Shu would have been Captain and First Officer together. There would be no bloodstained legacy shadowing their every footstep. They would be free.

But that is not their current reality. As Xiao Shu slept curled in Jingyan’s arms, Jingyan had been unable to sleep. Had stayed up, memorizing Xiao Shu’s features, brushing his hair out of his face and wondering. _Can I trust you to keep your word?_ _Can I trust you to keep your heart?_ _Will we pay for what we did to you with another betrayal? Until we’ve all destroyed each other and there’s nothing left?_

They were questions that Jingyan had not dared ask. After Jingyan, Meng Zhi, and Gong Yu had settling Xiao Shu in his room in Langya, Lin Chen had given Jingyan a look before taking the other two aside for a private conversation.

When they wee alone, Xiao Shu had held out his hand and caught Jingyan by the wrist.

“I…” His words had trailed off. Jingyan waited, and when Xiao Shu didn’t – couldn’t - finish his sentence, Jingyan had folded him into his arms. Had kissed him, long and deep and full, one last time.

“I love you.” Jingyan had whispered, thinking painfully that it might be the last time he ever got to say it. “I’m sorry.” Xiao Shu had let out a stifled sob, tucking his face under Jingyan’s chin.

“I love you, too.” It had barely been a whisper. Jingyan held onto him until Meng Zhi entered the room, Gong Yu hanging back. Jingyan had entrusted her with the task of being the liaison between Hua, Langya, and Hong Xiu Zhao, and she had not returned with them to the Pearl.

“Captain, it’s time to go.” Meng Zhi said before stepping out just as quickly. Xiao Shu’s fingers spasmed, as if he’d meant to clutch onto Jingyan tighter, unable to let go. Jingyan had cradled the back of his neck in wordless response, let Xiao Shu rest his head against his heartbeat.

“Jingyan.” Jingyan remembers Xiao Shu taking a deep breath, his eyes shining with tears, but he had been smiling, small and unsteady as he looked up at Jingyan’s face. Jingyan would carry the memory of his next words in his heart. 

“Don’t be afraid. You’re nothing like your father.” Xiao Shu had said, his voice breaking he forced himself to let go, to pull away. “You’ll make a great king.”

Jingyan had swallowed, just barely stopping the sob that threatened to tear out of his throat before kissing Xiao Shu one last time and stepping back. He hadn’t looked away from Xiao Shu, so pale and small, until his surroundings collapsed into gold dust and he was back on the _Pearl_.

Meng Zhi had been operating the transporter beam. He laid a heavy hand on Jingyan’s shoulder for a moment and gave it an awkward squeeze. There was pity in his eyes as he turned away.

New Hua survives. Ever-wary of the shadow of Liang, but crowning Jingyan had been the right move because the rumblings of war cease, at least for the moment. Princess Xuanji died a year after the destruction of Chiyan. Xia Jiang continues to make use of Hong Xiu Zhao, now under Lady Qin Banruo. She and Jingyan work together as much as discretion allows, both of them after the same ends. For New Hua and their people, they would be allies.

Jingyan protects New Hua with everything he has. With Lin Chen’s help, he, Meng Zhi, and the other Hua officers of Starfleet manage to uncover proof of corruption of the commanders and admirals allied with Liang, forcing them to resign from their posts. Liang’s empire crumbles day by day, as Emperor Xiao Xuan rails at shadows, no longer able to tell friend from foe. The military forces under the Mu family have started a revolt, it’s only a matter of time before it spreads to the rest of Liang’s colonies.

Jingyan’s on his way to Starbase when he receives a transmission from Qin Banruo.

“There’s a smuggler’s ship carrying a group of Liang political refugees, headed your way.” Qin Banruo’s voice is garbled to be deliberately unrecognizable. “Gong Yu was the one who told me to inform you, since right now it’s not safe for her to message directly. When I asked her _why_ you in particular should receive them, all she said was there would be something important for us and Queen Jingyi on that ship.” Jingyan frowns. _Us?_

“Send me the coordinates of the ship’s location.” Jingyan says. Qin Banruo gives them to him, and after ascertaining the identity of the ship, Jingyan orders the _Pearl’s_ shields to be lowered. About two dozen people are beamed aboard. Most are dressed in the dull blue-grey of Liang’s prison uniforms. They bow to Jingyan, warily eyeing the security officers surrounding the transporter room as a precaution, but as the medical officers rush forward to help the weakest and the most ill, they relax. 

“Former Ministers Shen Zhui and Cai Quan at your service, Crown Prince Jingyan.” The older one has the look of a portly man who had lost more than half his weight in a very short amount of time. The other one has fingers that had been horribly crippled, but which he still stubbornly folds into Liang’s formal bow. “We wish we’d met your highness under better circumstances, but we are grateful for the help you have offered. This is not a debt we can repay.”

“Make no mention of debts to me. I regret that we had to meet in such a manner, but rest assured your people are safe with us.” Jingyan says. Shen Zhui glances at Cai Quan, and an entire silent conversation passes between them in a moment before Cai Quan huffs and allows himself to be led to a hoverchair by a waiting nurse and steered to the medbay. Most of the refugees have already been taken there, save three – a small child, a teenage boy, and a thin, gaunt young man who looked to be in his late twenties. Shen Zhui beckons towards them, and at the older boy’s prodding the younger child stands up, stepping forward and reaching for Shen Zhui’s hand. Jingyan stares back, startled, at Princess Xuanji’s features on a little boy’s face.

“This is Tingsheng.” Shen Zhui says. “He doesn’t know who his parents are, and _I_ don’t know what a child that age was doing in the prisons, but Cai Quan and I did our best to take care of him. Luckily Sir Su got him out, along with the rest of us.” The little boy’s expression is wary, distrustful. Jingyan kneels down so that he and the boy are at eye-level. The boy shrinks back against Shen Zhui, looking down to avoid Jingyan’s gaze. He’s clearly malnourished, big eyes sunk into a small face, and he looks barely six years, though Jingyan guesses he’s probably older.

“Hello.” He says softly. “My name is Jingyan.” The boy does not respond. He glances behind him fearfully, and the gaunt young man comes forward, bowing before placing his hand on the top of the child’s head.

“He’s careful around strangers, but he warms up to people in due time.” The stranger says. Unlike the others, he’s not dressed in a prisoner’s uniform, and neither is the teenage boy who follows close behind him. His voice is quiet, and Jingyan has no recollection of ever seeing his face before, but the tug of familiarity is unmistakable.

“Tingsheng , accompany Uncle Shen to the medbay so he won’t be afraid. Fei Liu will go with you.” Jingyan watches his nephew’s face go from frightened to resolute. The teenager slings an arm around Jingyan’s nephew, and the tension bleeds out from the child’s spine just a little, even though he still clings to Shen Zhui’s hand. Zhanying gives him a look before leading the three out of the transporter room to the medbay, and Jingyan watches them until the sliding doors shut.

Only when he and the stranger are alone does Jingyan face him, searching his unfamiliar face for a beloved soul.

Xiao Shu drops his mask, and Jingyan opens his arms, folds him into them. Kissing him, over and over, and it doesn’t matter that his very gaze is unfamiliar and the planes of his face are something Jingyan has to relearn with his hands and lips, because Xiao Shu is _here_ and he’s _home._

“I forgive you,” Xiao Shu breathes against his mouth. Jingyan shivers, and Xiao Shu’s arms wind around him as he begins to sob.

\---

They’re in Jingyan’s room on the _Pearl._ Lin Shu has his head on Jingyan’s chest, exhausted after a round of sex celebrating Jingyan’s promotion to Lieutenant-Commander. Jingyan’s stroking his sweaty hair, and Lin Shu can’t see his face but he can imagine the contemplative expression that must be there now.

“Keep this up, and I’m pretty sure you’ll be Captain in less than two years.” Lin Shu grins, propping his chin up on his hands. “Don’t tell anyone else about this, but I heard Captain Li Chong’s retiring, and there isn’t really anyone who can compete with your record. Except for me, of course.” Jingyan snorts, strokes his cheek.

“Do you even _want_ to be Captain? All that administrative work’s going to bore you stupid.” Lin Shu grins, nuzzles his face against Jingyan’s chest. He can stay here forever, he decides. Just here in Jingyan’s arms, safe and warm and the happiest he’s ever been, the happiest he ever will be. Lin Shu’s eyes drift shut without him noticing, but then Jingyan speaks. He sounds. Almost sad.

“It’ll only be a stepping stone, though. Once this mission is over, and if I do become Captain, I won’t really be able to explore anymore with this crew. I’ve already found my people a selection of viable planets.” _I won’t be with you anymore._ Goes unsaid. Lin Shu opens his eyes, his chest going hot and tight. Remembering his father’s missives, how Da Yu was becoming restive again and making incursions into Liang territory. How unlikely it would be that he would be allowed to extend his stay at Starfleet when this mission is done.

“It’s two years away, though.” He murmurs. “That’s. We still have time.” _Not enough. Just hold me, hold me. I don’t want to think about how I know I’m going to lose you, anyway. To your people, or my father’s army. Because the past is never gonna be the past between the two of us, even if we had nothing to do with the decisions our fathers made. Even if we shouldn’t be the ones to pay for it._

“Yeah.” Lin Shu feels Jingyan kiss the top of his head, his arms tightening around him. “We have time.” His voice cracks a little, and Lin Shu hears everything that Jingyan cannot say out loud.

“I love you.” Lin Shu turns his face up, kisses Jingyan on the mouth. Jingyan kisses him again. His eyes are so, so soft as he cradles Lin Shu’s face between his hands. Lin Shu smiles, lets his eyes close. He can just barely hear Jingyan speaking, pressing kisses along his temple.

“I love you.” Jingyan says quietly. “Xiao Shu, I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. But I promise you, you’ll always have a home in me that you can return to.” Lin Shu sighs, and though he’s too sleepy to form words, he burrows into Jingyan’s arms, and that’s answer enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I deal with panic over current geopolitical issues [on top of a pandemic, no less] by taking it out on Jingyan and Lin Shu.
> 
> Thank you to aozu, rdrift, luna, and xiaoxiongbear for reading and commenting. :D


End file.
